It’s not often I have a person helping me meet women at a bar, but there I was, at a bar with @URWingman Thomas Edwards while he helped me approach a group of four women. This was the third bar of the evening, the first was my home bar, the next two were places where he could see my game. While at the home bar, he prepped me for the next phase, giving me some tips and advice on the process of the evening. He wanted to see how how much game I had. I warned him this may be ugly.

Strangely I felt like Neil Strauss in The Game, when he first met Mystery. The differences are, Thomas isn’t a pickup artist, he’s was showing me how to become comfortable meeting women by being myself. It’s not that I ever doubted his skill but there was a moment the situation became real. While at the second spot for potential meet ups, we walked down a flight of stairs. A girl noticed him and she said, “what’s up?” nonchalantly. She responded and her face lit up! She began to focus all of her attention onto him. It was like magic! I was amazed, and immediately asked him, “How’d you do that?”

“That? Dude it’s that easy!”

He broke down how the situation unfolded and was showing me how easy this was. My only thought was “Damn, I want it to be that easy for me!”

We went to a third bar quickly after the demonstration. We looked around and picked a group of women to talk to, there were four of them. Before approaching he laid out a strategy, and I was to follow his lead. Approaching a group of four women is like entering the mouth of hell. In the past I’ve often been chewed up and spat out, so I didn’t know what to expect. Thomas again made it easy, all while showing me his techniques. This was better than The Game, instead of using silly pickup lines, preprogrammed tactics, this was about acting naturally, and having normal interactions with attractive women. On the outside it looks simple, easy, possible. Inside there’s thought, moves, and approaches that must be made.

The group of four was an interesting bunch. The one woman I targeted in the group, worked in the medical field. He opened her up for me, we all talked. Shortly after introducing ourselves, they wanted us to take pictures of them but he had a different idea. He decided we should take a picture of ourselves then one of them. I’m not sure what to think of this, even today a week later. When he explained it, it made sense to me. When a girl asks you to take pictures you become their camera person for the night. You don’t want to become that person. You want to stay away from becoming their photography bitch. I instantly thought of the times I was someone’s designated photo whore, realizing where I’ve gone wrong in the past. It’s something that’s been a source of frustration.

As conversation continued, we found out that the target had a boyfriend, but she wasn’t sold on the idea. She said something similar to, “I have a boyfriend but, ya know, he’s whatever.” I would later find out from Thomas that this was a golden ticket! It’s rare when you meet a woman who openly tells a guy she’s taken but willing to move on for you. Essentially that was the message being relayed, and I was missing the messages. Thomas made very clear the missed opportunity as I displayed how ignorance of the situation.

Throughout our conversation, she displayed more of an interest in my wingman than me. It was as if we were in a raid, he was the person who pulled mobs and I was the tank. At times I lost aggro as her focused turned onto him. Essentially her interest in me would waiver and focus onto him. I’m very familiar with this situation. Often I find myself having to fight for the attention of women when out with some of my guy friends. It becomes more of a competition, and I had to remind myself that this wasn’t a competition. My wingman was here to help me, not to compete with me.I have to say, Thomas did act as an awesome wingman, he found opportunities to excuse himself, raised topics that brought the attention back to me. Throughout the process he was supporting me. It was refreshing.

It was time to go. I got her email (she wasn’t giving away her number, boyfriend I guess) and we left for a recap. I left with a very different sense of myself and the process. I felt empowered, confident, and able to meet any woman I came across!

After parting ways, I hopped onto a local train to transfer to a Brooklyn bound train. While waiting on the platform for my transfer, I spotted a very attractive woman. We were waiting for the same train.

“How long have you been waiting?” I asked.

“I just got here and you?”

“The same I just got off the local.”

“Oh really? Me too.”

The conversation ended there. She was soon walking away down the platform. There’s still plenty of work left to perform.

Image Source: Steve Maw on Flickr

I will note, my co-worker has a much better flow when it comes to introducing himself. There’s a swagger that surrounds him and it seems natural for him, while it’s very forced for me. He is the perfect wingman, able to get attention, draw in a crowd, meet women. I work very differently and find myself having to compete for attention when around him. The night we’re out at a club, we get into the VIP section, mainly because of his wheeling and dealing. It’s one of the reasons I like having him around. However, it’s clear he’s looking out for himself, not approaching any women I would like, seeking those he likes , only doing it in a one-on-one approach. It was time I maned up and did. Soon I’ve lured a group of attractive women and began talking to them. My wingman took this approach as an opportunity to try and go after the same girl I was after, but in the end I managed to get her number. Twenty minutes later, I get a text from her inviting me to a diner for some early breakfast food.

At the diner, my wingman continued to look after himself, trying to pry her attention from me, instead of securing her friend. he was in clear violation of rules 2 and 4 of the dating Bro Code! Even though the lines of attraction were clear, my wingman tried to interject himself into the conversation. He even admitted this after they left, if they were going to the same place he would “hit it,” knowing full well what I’m trying to do. He was adamant about getting her number, which I already had. My wingman wasn’t playing by the rules at all, instead he was greedy and forced me to do all of the heavy lifting, and still wanted the credit.

Your job as a wingman is to help your bro out. Sometimes your designated as the wingman, other times it’s automatic. If you’re out with a friend and you have a significant other, you’re automatically the wingman. You can’t give up your wingman responsibilities in the middle of the job. @AnalyticalDiva pointed me to a story she recently wrote about her two girlfriends, one assumed the wingwoman responsibility but then went after the prize herself. Unlike my case, where the wingman was only being greedy, this wingwoman cockblocked and possibly ruined opportunities with her girl. In both these cases, the wing-person was being greedy, seeking only their needs and letting their ego get the best of them. In both cases the wing-person was irresponsible. If they were driving a car, they would have crashed into a ditch and killed their passengers (maybe not as that dramatic, but you get the point.) Potential wingmen and women need to remember one thing, you are there until the job gets done!

(Image Credit: digitalfilmmaker on Flickr)