We guys are often vexed by the female orgasm. It seems hard to find it, or to know if she’s having one. In reality, the female orgasm isn’t the moving target as we all believe it to be. It’s quite easy make a woman shiver while under the sheets than we’re led on to believe; we just have to stop thinking like men. Making us go crazy is quite easy, stroke us enough and we’ll shiver, shake and collapse in a pleasure coma. For women it’s a bit different, first you need to find her pleasure hot-zones, and second you need to integrate them while having sex.

Finding what makes your woman twinge seems like a difficult process. It’s not, it merely requires foreplay. Use foreplay to find out what really turns her on, what she likes, doesn’t like, and most importantly, what makes her feel comfortable. There are some basics (such as kissing her neck, fondling her breasts, etc), Once you find out what she enjoys the most, experiment, run your fingers slowly down her spine or over her legs, grab her butt. She’ll appreciate your attempts in finding out what makes her tick and what makes her excited!

Once you determine what turns her on, integrate them while having sex. If she enjoys having her mammaries touched, touch them; if she likes being spanked, spank her. They are valuable addictions to the general monotony of sex. Be sure to rotate, don’t do any one thing frequently or for too long or else it will become repetative and stale. If you’re not having fun, she’s not having fun and the entire exercise is pointless.

Remember, not every woman is the same. Things that may have worked for one woman, man not work for the other. Be sure to find out what she likes, and ask her afterwards what she thought and what she really enjoyed.

Photo By: Mr Java

Men aren’t exempt from showing women respect. While women need to display more respect while dating men, we must also show them the same amount of respect they deserve. Respect isn’t waiting on a woman’s whim and acting as her servant (as one someone had commented); it’s having common courtesy and respect to treat her as a person and not as a thing.

Showing a woman you respect her isn’t a difficult process. Begin with establishing a level of honesty; if you need to say something important during a date, tell her, even if you think it may hurt her. Don’t be offensive or provide inappropriate details about some things. You can be honest about what you’re seeking in a woman, and if you have an interest in her. “I’m not interested in you,” as respectful, opposed to “you’re an ugly bitch!”

We’re told that we should always pay on the first date. If you like her, don’t let her touch the check. If you’re not interested, split the check, but ask nicely. This may bruise her ego, you’re sensing a clear message, “I’m sorry, you’re not the one.” She may not like you, but at least you took the high road. If she wants to say something mean, let her. Those are her own insecurities and personal hurt, and has nothing to do with you.

Demonstrating respect includes acts of chivalry, which include not expecting sex on the first date. While its impossible to prevent thoughts of carnal pleasure, when the expectation is removed, your actions reflect wanting to meet someone new, instead of a new booty call. Remember, the point of dating isn’t to keep your bed warm at night.

Respecting a woman means having a genuine interest in what she’s discussing. Every person has something in common, even I’d they are on separate sides of the spectrum. A fervent Democrat and Republican both have politics in common. They may have opposing views, but it doesn’t mean that they have to agree. A conversation can be one of opposing views, you don’t have to agree with her, but you should be engaged in what she has to say.

There are many ways to demonstrate respect for a woman, most of them rely on the fact that she’s a person and not an instrument of sex to be thrown away. There are some women who enjoy that sort of thing, but it’s not the norm of all woman. The less you think of a woman as they are depicted in porn, the more you’ll develop a genuine respect for who they are.

Photo By: One Lucky Guy

I believe, women often feel men are time wasters. Women are quick to point out they aren’t playing games and want to know the direction of their interactions with you. There are guys who date only for casual sex, but that’s a waste of time if the woman their with wants something serious. A woman can get laid easily if she wants. I remember one blogger saying, she could yell from her balcony to any guy passing underneath it and ask if he wants to come up; 9 out of 10 times he would.

Don’t waste a woman’s time. This doesn’t mean being late to dates (which you shouldn’t be), but be honest and upfront about what you’re seeking in a relationship. Some women are fine with a casual relationship, other’s are not. Not only are you’re wasting a woman’s time, but you’re wasting your own time and money. This also means choose carefully the route that you’re seeking. If you want something casual, Adult Friend Finder or ALT.com may be the best play to start, opposed to OkCupid or Match.com. Dating coaches won’t help you get laid, they’ll help you find a date.

At the end of the day, make sure you are being clear about your message to other women.

Photo by: Kristian Bjornard

There are millions of articles, websites, books and magazines dedicated to translating the hidden language of men. It’s not that we speak a hidden language, but we communicate differently than women. Generally we are seen as poor communicators, a fact I’m not inclined to dispute. Men are perceived as poor communicators because most of our communication relies on assumptions and actions instead of traditional verbalization. We speak, but don’t go into detail about every piece of our lives. The truth of the matter is we display our feelings differently than women, which causes plenty of confusion and frustration.

Women enjoy hearing our feelings and honest thoughts. The truth is more respectable than a lie or and more honorable than leading women to their own assumptions. A woman will often make assumptions based on our actions and their wants, regardless of they’re accurate. If we act as if we’re heading towards a long term relationship, when we’re just seeking sex, women will assume we’re working towards a long term relationship.

I’ve made it a point to ensure that my date and I are on the same page. I make it clear what I’m seeking, and ask what she is seeking, and place no judgement on her answer. I just want to know what I’m heading towards, if this could turn into a long term relationship (girlfriend) or just friends. I’m also clear about my future goals, such as wanting a family in the future, but not the near future. Most dating websites provide sections to include this information, but I’ve found it good to discuss these questions in the dating process. Usually the answer provides additional insight into the person you’re dating. I strongly recommend having this conversation near the end of the first date or during the second date.

During the dating process, it’s okay to indicate your preferences in a relationship; your likes, dislikes and things you would like to do with your date. Often our dating profiles include catch phrases like “fun, energetic and exercise a lot,” but those are just catch phrases, and don’t speak to who we truly are. If we are fun, what do we do for fun? Do we hang glide and seek someone to hang glide with us? How about bowling and seeking a partner for a weekly bowling tournament? If there’s certain things your seeking in a relationship, tell her what they are, and see if she’s comfortable in integrating them into the dating process.

An example, I’m a very touchy person, I enjoy holding hands, walking with my date arm in arm, or wrapping my arm around her shoulder. It’s just my nature. A lesson I’ve learned from Rule Breaker (that would have helped me on other dates) is telling my dates the things I enjoy while dating. On the second date, we walked arm in arm thru a park, it’s something I indicated I enjoyed. I think back to PR Model who I went on a second date with, but never held her hand or performed any relationship like maneuvers that could have continued the dating process. By expressing these preferences, you’re determining if the person is truly compatible with you.

Being honest with your date does not give you a license to be rude or a license to run thru a checklist of requirements. You should be delicate, honest but respectful, and maintain some mysteries about yourself. Let her discover some of your preferences during the dating process. Having honest conversations will clear any potential confusion in the future, and provide an honest insight into the type of person you are, and garner respect from your date.

Photo by WIDOMIRAMA

During a recent iChat conversation on the Thread.com blog, the ultimate dating truism was mentioned; if you like someone, you’ll fight for them. Often this dating logic places the burden of truth on the shoulders of men. If we like a girl, we would make attempts to call her. We would reach out to her every moment we had, we walk the mile for her every time. If a guy really liked a woman, he would do his best to reach out to her.

While the advice is accurate it’s also adds unrealistic expectations, and allows women to live in a fantasy land. It doesn’t recognize the actual expectations of living in the real world. It also excuses them of any responsibility. I believe this truism goes both ways. If a woman really liked a guy, she has the same responsibilities to fight for his attention.

Let me begin with the common ground on this topic. Guys should put more of an effort when communicating with women. However in today’s world of digital dating (OkCupid, meeting someone thru Twitter, etc), calling isn’t always the preferred means of communication. A guy would know what a girl would prefer to be communicated thru. If you’re smitten with her woman, you should exhaust the forms of communication she prefers and provides you. There should be any hesitation, if you have her Twitter name, tweet her. Have her phone number but can’t call, text her. Have her e-mail address, shoot her a bevy of e-mails. If all else fails, send smoke signals or have messages written in the sky. As a guy you need to fight for her attention.

Women, on the other end, need to realize two facts. First they need to understand that initiating contact with a guy is a good thing. If you like him, you should reach out to him and make it known. This bit of advice goes especially to the independent woman. You cannot have your cake and eat it as well, you can’t expect to not “need a man” and require him to initiate the contact. You need to put yourself out there! Second, women you need to fight for our attention, just as much as we need to fight for yours. We will move onto the next woman fairly quickly if you disappear into the background. If he isn’t responsive to your attempts move on.

We all tend to make the things we want happen. If we want to see a movie, we’ll go. If we want a certain job, we’ll get the education and apply for it. If we like someone, we’ll go out of our way to see them, even for just a moment. Both men and women need to maintain the attention of the person they want. It’s easy to fade into the shadows when someone who provides the wanted attention comes along. If you like them, you’ll fight for them, and every attempt to see them.

Image Source: Martín Vinacur on Flickr

First are the braggers, the women who claim to be the best in bed. I’ve often found these women to be nothing but talk. There isn’t an Emmy for blowjobs, an Oscar for moaning and a SAG award for freakiness. Unless you’re in porn, there isn’t hardware for the hard-ons. The women who rank their sexual prowess, often delude themselves. I don’t care how many men you have lined up to bed you, there’s always someone better. I’ve found, these women tend to relay on the man to do the heavy lifting. When the sex is bad, they often blame the guy, but when it’s good often take the credit themselves. If the guy is doing all of the work, it’s the guy who deserves the credit. You don’t get an award for showing up.

Several times I’ve met a woman who enjoys foreplay, but doesn’t want to take the next step forward. During my long stretch as a virgin or any extreme dry spell, I joked that I was being too generous and engaging in too much foreplay. I enjoy foreplay, I feel it’s the best part of sex, but I’ve often found myself getting a woman off well before I did. I would never receive any reciprocation. I’ve found, these women tend to be greedy. Not just sexually, but throughout the relationship process. They felt entitled for the things they wanted, regardless of how ludicrous is may have been, without any consideration of their partner.

Every person has certain rules about sex, some legitimate, others are abnormal. Dog Lady was the latter of these type of women, as she had some very strange rules. While her performance in bed was horrible, it was proceeded with a lot of teasing, dry humping, and at a certain point she would introduce a random rule from left field. Some rules were legitimate and made plenty of sense, others were asinine and were excuses for her own insecurities. I found out Dog Lady, extremely enjoyed rape play, and wasn’t proud of her hygiene. While I have nothing wrong with most kinks (including rape play), she seemed to take it to a level I’ve never experienced in the past. I soon found out there was a story behind her kink, and she also convinced herself it was okay, as a woman, to be raped by any man. Her hygiene was a separate issue. Her garden was a mess and had a very foul order. Her rules surrounding sex, and these two issues, were covers for her major insecurities and struggles with her past. She was afraid I would be scared away. In truth, I was.

Like men, women have their own quirks about sex. While sex tends to be an intimate process, how your partner approaches the topic tends to add an additional layer of information about their preferences and personality. The lessons I’ve learned aren’t the norm for every woman, but they were a part of several patterns. Bad sex happens to the best of us, but a person’s sexual history and patterns speaks volumes about a person. If some troubling sexual patterns emerge, be warned and take caution. Make sure you can deal with the possible potholes that exist in the bedroom, but also make sure you don’t make some dire mistakes.

Image Source: AnnyMal Design on Flickr

Grammar – Women pay attention to the grammar in your profiles. They want to know that you can speak, and write well. Bad grammar is a complete turn off.

Be Creative With Your Messages – Look at her profile and pull in some details. Even if she doesn’t say much, ask her to elaborate on the little details she has.

Keep On Trucking – I’ve mentioned this in the past, and reminded consistently by my dating coach, Laurie Davis. Don’t slack or slow down your effort while your seeking. Send as many messages as you can, to the women you like. Someone is bound to respond.

Online dating requires plenty of effort. The woman you may like, may not feel the same. Don’t be discouraged, there’s plenty of resources and services that can help you write messages the women would love.

My thought is women may be looking at my profile first before the message, or reading the message than the profile to see if it’s worth responding to. So the question I have for women is this: when you received a message do you read the message first or view the profile first?

Women, feel free to answer the poll below or leave comments below.

Most men are raised to become men. We’re raised to act like a man, walk like a man, and think like a man. If there’s any job we’re mandated to have, that’s manhood. A guy who acts childish may not be acting like a “man,” but is still a man. He’s a better source of male thought than many women. Men, we do the same thing. Asking our boys on what a woman is thinking isn’t always the best route. Most my advice from my guy friends has been rather crude. The most tomboyish girl will give you the best advice on women than any man.

Remember to consider the person as a whole. I’m less likely to ask a stripper dating advice and less likely to ask a virgin about sex. If I wanted to know what turns a woman on, she would be on my short list; if I wanted to stay abstinent I would ask the virgin. Often, advice may sound wrong, if it does I would find a second, if not third source of information. Don’t find someone who’s going to “yes” you or agree with your point of view. I often take the advice of someone who disagrees with me because it makes sense. This has made me a happier and better dater.