It may seem silly to ask, but I believe it is a valid question. Everyone dates, but not everyone dates for the same reasons. When I began dating as SCG, I wanted to get my feet wet and possibly engage in a series of short term relationships. I needed to know what I was seeking, the qualities I really liked in a person and what I truly sought in a relationship. Thru my process, I knew my goal was to meet a quality woman, and enjoy my time with her. While the process didn’t happen as I would have liked, the end goal was met.

I started dating for relationships. Short term relationships can easily turn into something permanent. My reasons for dating differ from other’s; I find many date for sex, other’s for companionship, and the rest – just because. I assume some bloggers date to blog, instead of blogging about their dating experience. Everyone has their reasons for dating, but I find many become discouraged because their results aren’t compatible with their reasons.

We know 1 +1 = 2. We also know that 10 – 8 = 2. However 1 – 1 and 10 + 8 equal completely different numbers (0 & 18 respectively). While you may have the numbers right, your method of computing them produce completely different results. The same works for dating, you may have the right elements in place, but if you’re seeking a relationship, yet acting as if you only want sex then you’re not going to end up in a relationship. Relationships aren’t born out of friends with benefits, and the opposite isn’t true either.

Ask yourself, why are you dating? Then ask yourself if your methods of dating will achieve the results you’re seeking.

Photo by: Jason Permenter

It takes about six months to determine if you’ll have any dating success. I know there are books that promise meeting women in 30 days, but that’s only a part of the formula. To achieve any real success with dating, it requires hard work, making many mistakes, and figuring out what works best for you. It took me about four and a half months to meet my current girlfriend. Readers of the blog know the process wasn’t easy at all.

So what should your six month timeline include? It should begin with you, and what you’re seeking. It should also include things like adjusting your look, figuring which dating website works best for you, and finding out which locations and events you feel the most comfortable socializing. A six month timeline provides enough time to try out new clothing, new looks, experiment with ways to approach women in public and tweak your website.

I don’t believe you should do it alone. As we’ve seen I’ve used the services of eFlirtExpert Laurie Davis and The Professional Wingman Thomas Edwards. I started with OkCupid as my dating website of choice, and began experimenting from that point onward. I tried attending singles events, even went on a few speed dating trips. While the successes I had were building blogs to further developments, they were all necessary.

Dating isn’t a fast track process, you’re not going to meet a million women tomorrow after creating a dating profile (unless you’re famous.) Take your time, learn from your mistakes, and ask for some professional help!

Photo By: Andrew Dubber

Every woman loves a phone call. Even the most text centric woman appreciates a phone call on occasion. To help determine the method for communication with her, find out her preference. If she prefers phone calls over texts, restrict your texts to short informative texts, such as “I’m running late” or “I hope you’re having a great day, can’t wait to see you later. We’re still on for Thursday?” If she prefers texting over calling, feel free to initiate dates thru texts (“Hey are you available on Sunday at 5pm?”) and engage in idle conversation (“Today is a rough day for me. My boss sucks! How is your’s going?”)

Important information, such as the need to reschedule a date, should be a phone call instead of text. If you feel it is important enough to call, then do not hesitate to call, but be mindful of the time. If she’s busy at work, calling during the day may not be a wise move. Lunch time or afterwork is better for communicating. I’ve had recent experience with this; plans for an upcoming date were changing and needed to be discussed. Instead of texting “Hey the movie we want to see isn’t in theaters on Saturday,” I called and dealt with the dreaded voice mail monster. Not only did I receive a call back, but was able to convey a want and willingness to see her again. Remember, if it is important, call!

After the fifth date, or a month of seeing the same person, you should be more inclined to call. While e-mails and text messages may be great, calling a woman tells her you think she’s important. Texting is an efficient and easy way to communicate but it’s just that, calling require more commitment, focus and determination. After five dates you should be comfortable enough to engage in idle phone conversation. Even if short, you are communicating between the times you get the opportunity to see her again.

Random texts are not a bad thing. Especially when you’ve been dating the same person consistently. Calling can be invasive, especially during the work day. If you’re calling while she’s busy at work, she’s going to assume it is important, and will pick up. Make sure it is important enough! Occasionally, this can be a good thing, consistently it could be very annoying. Texting should be applied here, texts like “I hope you’re having a great day!” or idle chatter is easier to manage during a busy work day. It allows you to be kind and endearing, and remind her how much you like her.

If you need help determining whether you should call or text in a particular situation here’s an easy way to make the determination, think of your mother. Some guys talk to their mother every day, but usually when something important happens we would call. If you have dinner plans with your mother and you need to cancel or change, you’ll call. If you want to visit her, you’ll call. If you’re running late, you may not call. While dating, determine whether you should call if you would call your mother under the same circumstances. Otherwise send a text message.

Everyone is different about their preferences between how frequent someone should call versus how frequent someone should text. There should be a balance between the two. Calling often can be annoying, texting often can come off as dismissive. I believe you should maintain a healthy ratio between texting and calling. Just note when you should call and when you should text.

Image Credit: KhE 龙 on Flickr

Every guy has one flaw, we’re very competitive. It’s in our nature to compete against other each other when we are after the same goal (job position, prize, or a woman’s affection). We “prove” ourselves in very material ways to be the better man (buying a better car, working harder, showing off our successes.) Many times the guy who competes the hardest will “win the competition” and reap it’s benefits, but in dating it comes out as very immature.

Women aren’t impressed by this type of this competition, instead it looks very childish. Often, in movies, when two guys like the same girl they will engage in this type of competition to win her affection. In real life the girl doesn’t choose Guy A or Guy B, she chooses Guy C. Some women enjoy guys fighting over them, often these aren’t the ones you should be dating. It’s not an attractive trait. Most women want a confident man who can hold his own, who won’t be jealous and feel the need to compete for their affection against every male in the world. They do want displays of affection but not due to someone challenging them. They want a man who can be themselves and demonstrate he is worth their time. Acting like a child demonstrates their need to buy more pampers.

(Image Credit: CarbonNYC on Flickr)

The past week I’ve been on OkCupid searching for potential dates. While I’ve come across plenty of great profiles enticing me to initiate contact and horrible profiles I’ve had to pass on. When I began online dating many years ago, much of the profile creating advice was geared towards men, plenty of guys thought a shirtless picture and sparse description would woo the masses. It doesn’t. Over time the advice has been more even handed, however, women still need plenty of help here. In searching for potential dates, I’ve found several irritating trends. I’ve categorized them into four segments: profiles with not enough information, profiles with too much information, profiles with needless information and the limited profile.

Many profiles include several pictures and sentence length answers to questions. In several cases, these short answers are very appropriate (i.e. your job, six things you can’t live without.) These profiles won’t get my attention. I understand the logic here, several cute pictures will get a lot of notice from many men. It’s a formula that works, but expect your messages to be “You’re cute!” or “Hi! Lets meet!” There’s nothing but pictures for me to respond to. Do yourself a favor and in areas that provide more detail, provide it. Two short paragraphs is more than enough information.

Your dating profile isn’t a novel. I will not read every detail. Leave some information for the first date. Your dating profile should be cliff notes that make you stand out. Don’t list out every musical artist or book you’ve read, Make it interesting. If you love hip-hop say something like “I grew up listening to Run D.M.C. and loved hip-hop ever since.” Here you’ve provided key details about yourself in a short concise manner. Also don’t be repetitive, you may really enjoy knitting but mention your passion for it once or twice.

I used to believe including “I’m not very good at describing myself” or “I don’t know what to say but here it goes” was appropriate profile information. It isn’t. It’s annoying. I hate this! Please, I beg you to stop! This is needless information, who cares if you’re bad at writing profiles, so is everyone else! I had to hire someone to help me with mine! Get over it! Instead of saying that you’re bad at writing profiles talk about things you’re actually bad at, like hopscotch, marbles, or being an astronaut.

The profile I hate the most are the limited profiles. These are really well written profiles with 1 picture or a profile with 10 pictures with one word answers to questions. I’ve come across many of these and tend to ignore them. I’m seeking the full package here, not just looks or words. Find a balance, give me enough information to initiate contact.

My last tip has to deal with profile pictures. I understand not everyone is photo friendly, but please cut down the amount of photo’s of your friends. I’m not trying to date them, I’m trying to date you. If you have 5 photo’s all 5 shouldn’t include your friends. If you include a picture of you and your friends, clearly indicate where you are in the photo. Your photo’s shouldn’t all be headshots either. I would like to know the full package. Which means several full figured shots are very helpful. In order to make a decision, we need to see everything (though with your clothing on!)

(Image Credit: icanhascheezburger.com)