The old adage, “If you want it, you’ll fight for it,” holds a lot of weight in terms of dating. However, finding the right date involves more than just fighting, it involves being persistent, vigilant, and responsive.  I experienced this truth thru attempting to meet a recent OkCupid responder. This woman, I’m dubbing, “Rule Breaker”. The story of Rule Breaker has many parts, this is the prologue, but more importantly, it’s a demonstration of a powerful dating lesson. Be persistent. Not overbearing, persistent.

Things began with my new focus on finding profiles on OkCupid. Using the techniques I’ve learned from Laurie, I began sending some of my own e-mails to the women I had common interests. Rule Breaker was one of them, and after two rounds of shorts e-mails, she asked for my phone number. Traditionally, women prefer the guy to ask for the phone number, I’ve learned there needs to be more than two responses before asking for a phone number. This woman was breaking the rules (hence the name), and had the cajones to ask for mine. Her upfront brashness intrigued me. Stupidity I sent along my phone number without asking for hers. Things were entirely in her court.

She called me sometime the next evening, but I missed her phone call. I was in the shower. I returned her call after listening to her voicemail, only to be met with hers. I hate leaving messages. After adding to the weight of her voicemail, I had hoped she would call me back within mere moments. I had only missed her by 20 minutes! While I was lucky to get a response, I was also lucky to be underground when she called. My phone beeped that I had a message eagerly waiting my ear. I responded the next chance I got to her voicemail leaving, yet, another message. A few days passed, and another round of tag ensued as we missed each other by mere moments, minutes, and hours. This was the classic case of unaligned schedules.

The last round occurred during a late night meeting. While heading to the meeting, a deposit was placed into my voicemail. I was, again, underground, and unable to response. I responded with a message when I arrived at the meeting’s location early. She called 20 minutes later, during my meeting. I didn’t hear the phone at all. After the meeting, I listened to the message, only to respond only to be met by her voice. It told me to leave a message because she wasn’t able to reach the phone. I was in voicemail hell. This situation was becoming humorous. I’ve had more interactions with her voicemail than her; it seemed as if I was dating it. Imagine me, on a date with a voicemail box.

“How do you like the food here?”

“You have 1 new voice mail message!” It would respond as a sign of approval. I’ve always wondered if the woman who does the voice for voicemail is attractive.

After my meeting, I was heading to the Apple Store on 5th Avenue, but was on the West Side. When I exited the Columbus Circle train top, I would have to walk a distance to 5th Avenue. This game of voicemail tag was becoming annoying, I had called her a mere 30 minutes ago, but what harm would another attempt  do? I could start reciting lines from Shakespeare as a part of my voicemail messages! As I began to rummage my mind for some line from Macbeth, I was dialing her number, and the phone was ringing. It rang once. No pickup. Twice. To be, or not to be. Three times. I’m definitely getting the dreaded voicemail void all over again. Shit, what was the rest of that monologue?

A friendly, and awkward, “hello,” interrupted the trip to the dreaded voicemail box. It was a real person!

We talked as I walked to the Apple Store, and continued to talk while I stood outside, in the cold. I wasn’t going to pass up on this opportunity to talk to and meet this woman. We laughed with each other, had a great conversation, we seemed to mesh well over the phone. It was obvious a date had to be made. This was more than just fighting for her attention, this was being persistent.

At any given time, I could have given up, allow the fade to set in or find some reason not to pursue the frustrating game of tag. The only thing I knew about this person was our many interests. Her profile only included headshots, so I really didn’t know what she looked like. What drew me to this woman in the first place was a single commonality we had, the diversity in the things we did in our daily lives. Statistically, this shouldn’t have gone anywhere; she should have disappeared into oblivion, never to be heard from or seen again. She should be a failed dating story for me to use as an example of what not to do. She isn’t.

One of the few reasons I kept on returning her calls, only to be met by her voicemail, was because I was persistent.  I wanted to meet this woman and there was something worth seeking. This wasn’t fighting for a woman’s attention, I already had her attention. At this point I was fighting against her schedule and her ability to pickup the damn phone. This isn’t the only example where persistence has paid off, just the best example. Skee Woman and PR Model are other examples where persistence has resulted in dating successes. More so than fighting for a woman’s attention, a guy must be persistent. Eager to communicate, making any attempts to talk to a woman, even when the chances of success seem bleak.

So what is persistence in dating, exactly? It’s continuing to make an effort, even when a situation seems to be lost. In my example, it’s calling twice, within an hour, in hopes not to become just some voice in the voicemail.  So far, it has worked.

Image Source: Vanessa Pike-Russell on Flickr