Handling rejection is the most difficult aspect to dating. One of the reasons men and women hesitate from approaching is their own fear being rejected. Approaching a woman lays on the shoulder of us men, and having a woman tell us “no’ is a huge reason why we suffer from approach anxiety. It’s also the reason we act awkward when approaching a woman, we don’t know what to do.

Approaching a woman is simple if you keep two things in mind: first, act as a normal human being and second, don’t be scared of being told no.

The corny pickup lines rarely work. The practiced sets that PUA’s often talk about are more effective, but have a large chance of not working. While magic tricks, jokes, and fluff material dating books often recommend do help, they aren’t rejections silver bullet. My best successes are based on acting normally, as myself. We all respond best to a person who acts genuinely; approaching a woman is no different. It’s okay to be nervous or a bit timid, but making the attempt as yourself, rather than Don Juan will make you seem less silly, and more approachable.

Many of my friends would tell me, “what are you scared of?” Often, I would answer with my fear of being told no. No is a powerful word in the English vernacular; it’s commanding, forceful, and poignant. However, it’s just a word. At the end of the day, the word means nothing. Being told no, often doesn’t break bones, harm anyone, or cause physical damage. The word only damages our emotions and mental state. The fear of the word “no” is often outweigh the successes of a “yes” although it shouldn’t. The results of a “yes” far outweighs a “no.” I’ve often stopped myself from approaching a woman, for the fear she may say “no” forgetting the fact that she may say, “yes!” When laid out in that manner, being scared of “no” sounds, and is silly. Get over the fear!

Everyone is guaranteed to get rejected at some point in their life. Life doesn’t provide a group of “yes” people. When rejection happens, life continues, and we become strengthened by the lessons or the results of the rejection. Often, rejection tends to open doors elsewhere we’ve never sought.

The top reason we we fear providing oral sex is the most reasonable, poor hygiene. There are plenty of women who smell foul around her female parts (hell there’s plenty of men who do as well.) Like anyone, it’s a complete turn off when we smell something foul, even more so for extended periods of time. The initial fear is she may stink and even the bravest of men many not confront that fear. The second fear about female hygiene (or lack there of) is “funk spunk” that may be due to dietary, biological, or cosmic reasons. Plenty of men have taken the plunge into oral sex only to realize the scent of her excitement is more akin to rotten eggs. It’s a scent that takes just about a day to remove from one’s mouth and not a pleasant experience at all.

It seems shaving/waxing/trimming has become the standard in female sexual hygiene, but men fear the dreaded “underbrush!” We hate going down on hairy women, it’s like putting your tongue to a person’s afro. It’s not pleasing at all and someone ends up in your eye. Every guy whose tried to perform oral sex has come across wild underbrush. Some men may enjoy it but a majority of us don’t. Even though trimming and shaving has become common place for women (obvious from new women shaving/trimming products and commercials) past experiences and myths still haunt us.

If anyone is familiar with the term “red wings,” you know exactly where I’m heading with this next comment. There’s nothing scarier to a guy than not knowing what’s coming out. We guys dread tasting any left overs from when you excused yourself to the rest room or the chance obtaining our first red wing badge. This may sound unsanitary and it is. This may also sound impossible, but it does happen! Every guy knows another guy who has had one of these two experiences happen to him, even if they don’t admit to it. If your wondering how often this happens or if it really does occur, I can say from experience this phenomenon happens often enough to cause hesitation.

The last fear I’m going to point out is our fear of being clueless. Yes, we fear not knowing what to do with our tongue and not finding the hidden clitoris. It’s bad enough we have some insecurities of pleasing you sexually, if we fail orally there is no hope. Our resources here are limited, there isn’t an oral sex class for men, if there was I’m quite sure that a lot of men would not appear in a group, thus continuing the vicious cycle. We don’t want to admit that we haven’t a clue what we’re doing. So often women aren’t expecting oral sex and don’t bother to teach a guy how to do it properly. To compensate we substitute oral sex with fingering, in our minds we’ve done our job. In many women’s minds they have to settle.

While some of these fears may seem silly, it is what holds us back in performing oral sex. There is some hope, and it’s from porn. One trend I’ve noticed over the years is more men performing oral sex. Don’t underestimate this as porn is a valuable sexual teaching tool for men! For a more direct approach, men are willing to try anything with the right girl, but don’t force the issue. You hate it when we force the topic of blow jobs. Comfort us, teach us, and if possible make it rewarding for us as well!

(Image Credit: fmgbain on Flickr)