It takes about six months to determine if you’ll have any dating success. I know there are books that promise meeting women in 30 days, but that’s only a part of the formula. To achieve any real success with dating, it requires hard work, making many mistakes, and figuring out what works best for you. It took me about four and a half months to meet my current girlfriend. Readers of the blog know the process wasn’t easy at all.

So what should your six month timeline include? It should begin with you, and what you’re seeking. It should also include things like adjusting your look, figuring which dating website works best for you, and finding out which locations and events you feel the most comfortable socializing. A six month timeline provides enough time to try out new clothing, new looks, experiment with ways to approach women in public and tweak your website.

I don’t believe you should do it alone. As we’ve seen I’ve used the services of eFlirtExpert Laurie Davis and The Professional Wingman Thomas Edwards. I started with OkCupid as my dating website of choice, and began experimenting from that point onward. I tried attending singles events, even went on a few speed dating trips. While the successes I had were building blogs to further developments, they were all necessary.

Dating isn’t a fast track process, you’re not going to meet a million women tomorrow after creating a dating profile (unless you’re famous.) Take your time, learn from your mistakes, and ask for some professional help!

Photo By: Andrew Dubber

No one ever says, dating very mercurial, especially in New York City. It’s always assumed. There are moments when dates appear out of the woodwork, other moments when buying a date from the most desperate people seems impossible. This causes much frustration. I’ve always assumed dating would be a consistent flow of dates on a weekly basis, but that’s never the case, especially with online dating.

It’s not easy to deal with the droughts, but they serve as powerful lessons and tests your resolve. Finding a date takes time and plenty of falling before finding consistent success. There are several techniques to help leverage the process, but it doesn’t prevent you from having a streak of bad luck. When I became frustrated with dating, I decided to make a few adjustments. I began changing the preferences of the women I sought, began going to different bars and events, I even tried to use social media. Thru a combination of these techniques, I would always find myself on a new dating adventure, trying something completely out of my element. I usually had fun and experiences new and interesting dating adventures.

When you enter a hot spell, remember to maintain your balance. Don’t overbook dates and be sure you’re dating women with whom you have an interest. There’s a point where dating fatigue may occur; you risk going on so many dates it may burn you out or you may confuse your dates. Just because a million women want to date you, doesn’t mean you have to go on a million dates. Dating is meant to be an intimate process, not a rush.

To prevent feeding on the extreme’s, try finding a balance between the two. This requires wrapping your dating life around a schedule. Find a consistent day or time to call potential new dates, choose several dating profiles a week to send messages, visit your favorite stomping grounds, along with new venues. By keeping this balance, you’ll never live in the extremes for too long.

Photo By: Marcus Quigmire

There are millions of articles, websites, books and magazines dedicated to translating the hidden language of men. It’s not that we speak a hidden language, but we communicate differently than women. Generally we are seen as poor communicators, a fact I’m not inclined to dispute. Men are perceived as poor communicators because most of our communication relies on assumptions and actions instead of traditional verbalization. We speak, but don’t go into detail about every piece of our lives. The truth of the matter is we display our feelings differently than women, which causes plenty of confusion and frustration.

Women enjoy hearing our feelings and honest thoughts. The truth is more respectable than a lie or and more honorable than leading women to their own assumptions. A woman will often make assumptions based on our actions and their wants, regardless of they’re accurate. If we act as if we’re heading towards a long term relationship, when we’re just seeking sex, women will assume we’re working towards a long term relationship.

I’ve made it a point to ensure that my date and I are on the same page. I make it clear what I’m seeking, and ask what she is seeking, and place no judgement on her answer. I just want to know what I’m heading towards, if this could turn into a long term relationship (girlfriend) or just friends. I’m also clear about my future goals, such as wanting a family in the future, but not the near future. Most dating websites provide sections to include this information, but I’ve found it good to discuss these questions in the dating process. Usually the answer provides additional insight into the person you’re dating. I strongly recommend having this conversation near the end of the first date or during the second date.

During the dating process, it’s okay to indicate your preferences in a relationship; your likes, dislikes and things you would like to do with your date. Often our dating profiles include catch phrases like “fun, energetic and exercise a lot,” but those are just catch phrases, and don’t speak to who we truly are. If we are fun, what do we do for fun? Do we hang glide and seek someone to hang glide with us? How about bowling and seeking a partner for a weekly bowling tournament? If there’s certain things your seeking in a relationship, tell her what they are, and see if she’s comfortable in integrating them into the dating process.

An example, I’m a very touchy person, I enjoy holding hands, walking with my date arm in arm, or wrapping my arm around her shoulder. It’s just my nature. A lesson I’ve learned from Rule Breaker (that would have helped me on other dates) is telling my dates the things I enjoy while dating. On the second date, we walked arm in arm thru a park, it’s something I indicated I enjoyed. I think back to PR Model who I went on a second date with, but never held her hand or performed any relationship like maneuvers that could have continued the dating process. By expressing these preferences, you’re determining if the person is truly compatible with you.

Being honest with your date does not give you a license to be rude or a license to run thru a checklist of requirements. You should be delicate, honest but respectful, and maintain some mysteries about yourself. Let her discover some of your preferences during the dating process. Having honest conversations will clear any potential confusion in the future, and provide an honest insight into the type of person you are, and garner respect from your date.

Photo by WIDOMIRAMA

Blogging isn’t my first profession. In actuality, its something like my fifth. I tend to engage in many different projects and seem to always be working on something. Somehow, in my busy schedule, I manage to get everything done and maintain a social life (the secret is being flexible). It’s hard to explain the many things I do, without sounding like a workaholic. It causes a problem when I’m asked, “What do you do?’ especially when first meeting someone. For some time my answer was “everything, but Windows,” I’ve recently switched to Mac (some geek humor for you).

The way I answer this question has been horrible. I’ve needed to package myself differently. Going on these speed dating adventures has helped a lot. It forced me to cut out the unnecessary information and remove the unimportant things that have wasted time. When I was asked “What do you do?” I used to explain every nook and cranny, instead of saying, “I do x” or “oh I’m a x.” There’s no need to explain every detail, just get to the point. If they are interested, they will ask additional questions. It’s akin to wrapping a present, if the gift is important, most people would appropriate packaging. They want to open it.

Some people, like myself, have an interesting profession and a boring one. I have a hand in the entertainment business and education. I’ve learned to lead with the entertainment side first and then include the educational aspect. It draws an interest, one side of me is exciting, thrilling, and the other side is nurturing, academic. This doesn’t always work, when in a room of single educators, leading with the education aspect may draw more interest. I may never mention the entertainment aspects of my life until I get to know the person better. The idea is to provide a clear picture of who I am, without much confusion.

For those who have a less desirable jobs (such as a truck driver, sanitation worker, janitor), there’s a want to make the job sound more elegant. Like wrapping a cheap gift in expensive wrapping paper. The lesson here is don’t exaggerate! You’re not a “waste disposal technician,” if you’re a garbage man. You’re not into “importing and exporting international packaging” if you’re the UPS guy. You’re not “food specialist” if you take orders at McDonald’s. You only look like a fool when someone you met at the club last week answers, “no I do not want fries with that,” to the question you just asked at your current job. For jobs that don’t sound as attractive or you should follow a different rule, one I like to call the “dented can rule.”

Some supermarkets give you a discount on any dented canned goods. Usually there’s nothing wrong with the substance inside of the can, nor is there any less. There’s just a dent. The dent in the can provides a different connotation than a regular can, it may be defective. Essentially you’re given a discount because of poor packaging. If you have a less desirable or non-sexy sounding job, it’s okay to be a big vague. If they ask questions then you must become more direct. For example, a garbage man may say he works for the city. If asked “oh what for?” he can then say sanitation. If he’s continued to be pressed, then “garbage man,” must be said.

You must never lie about what you do, just provide enough information that it doesn’t scare a person away. Often I would get hung up on what I did, by consolidating and being vague, I’ve helped direct their interest. If a woman is interested in my profession she’ll ask, if not I can show off more of my personality and let her know more about myself, the person. The way you package what you say to a woman can tune them out or draw further interest. Consider the ways you answer questions to draw their interest or skip over the uninteresting aspect of your life. Usually you first meet a woman you will not have much time, and will eventually provide further details of your professional career. That doesn’t have to happen on the first day.

Just remember, never lie or completely mislead.

Image Credit: SurprisePally on Flickr

Last weekend, I went on a NDD with @KB_in_NYC who suggested setting me up with a friend. Blind dates have never worked well for me, but I was convinced I had nothing to loose about and threw chance to the wind. We were introduced thru Twitter, but thanks to a series of mishaps, I was introduced as SCG. I’m sure it’s odd being introduced to an anonymous dating blogger as a blind date. For me it’s even worse, I’m faced with two choices: either write about the date and fear she’ll read it; or don’t write about the date, be dishonest to your readers, and deal with questions later.

PR Model is just that, she’s a woman from the pacific time zone who works in PR and is a model/actress. She’s an energetic woman with a great sense of humor, interest and very down to earth. She’s also very beautiful, has the personality and wit I love in a woman, but also a directness and a no-nonsense style I can dig. She’s an instant A Lister. It wasn’t until I met her, the day before Thanksgiving at the Flatiron Lounge, that I was able to learn how unique of a woman she was. We hit it off very well, and we were able to discuss several topics I thought would be a major problems, such as being a dating blogger. I knew I would have to explain why I stared SCG; my frustrations with dating, bad dates, and the material we guys get, such as The Game; came did up, and she admitted to reading (or at leas skimming.)

At this point I did something potentially stupid or really smart. I tried the number guessing game which is a part of the Mystery Method PUA technique (I’ll explain this technique in a later post.) I really was trying to make SCG a non-factor. I wanted to demonstrate that I am being genuine, and not trying some dating techniques I’ve learned or read to woo her. I began the process by having her choose a number, guessed 7 and she lit up! She was so stunned and surprised I guessed the right number she wanted to know how I did it. I quickly confessed to the technique by (which I had planned reveal if I had gotten it wrong.) Although I think plan worked, this could have backfired in my face and ruined everything.

The remainder of the date went on very well, and we scheduled brunch for Sunday (yesterday). She choose the location and time. It was a place we both have not tried. Brunch went well, but a bit rushed, to my benefit I believe. I was nervous and excited leading up to the date and was afraid of a let down from Wednesday. I did have a plan. On the first date, I promised to make her a mixed CD (being a DJ), and give her some music I think she would like. Making these CD’s helped me ease my thoughts about the date and using them as an introduction helped helped ease my nerves. I also hoped it would carry any momentum from Wednesday onto brunch. I think it did, PR Model was very excited to receive the gift. Throughout the brisk meal we talked about Thanksgiving, parades, modeling (did you know there’s a size double 0? It’s smaller than size 0!), plans for this week, and apple smoked bacon (it takes like regular bacon!) I felt brunch was rushed, due to the quick service, but it was a very good date. We laughed, had some great stories and I noticed to things about my interactions with her.

First, she has me wide open. I’m usually not this exposed when I’m going out on a date with someone. I like to keep some cards hidden and reveal them until the time is right. With her I feel as if I’m playing poker and my hand revealed to the world. I cannot hold anything back. This is new territory and it has me off my “game”, but it’s refreshing. I’m forced to be myself, not duck and dodge through conversations, topics, or dating techniques. There are times I mess up where I normally would not. An example was when we were discussing plans for the week, I said “oh right, I can’t do anything on Wednesday because I have to go speed dating…” Yes, I’m an idiot. This is not my proudest moments. What was cool is she understood it as something I have to do as SCG and we still planned to see a movie later in the week. This is a good sign.

Second, there are these awkward silences. Thomas Edwards (@URWingman) advised me on this issue when he was last in NYC. All conversations have an end and a break. These silences are pauses where one topic has ended and a new topic can begin. It’s a lull, that doesn’t need to be filled. They have a place and when they occur I should remain patient and recognize it. I’m struggling with this aspect, because these lulls scare me. I feel like once we hit a pause the momentum stops and I’m lost. So I begin thinking, forming rapid fire questions and being to play a game of hit or miss to get back on track. In the past I’ve made my biggest mistakes here, trying to overcompensate for what would be a really great time. Now I realize when I may be going overboard or hit a dud topic, but it still doesn’t stop the tendency.

So far, PR Model has been the best dates I’ve had. To say that I’m excited and intrigued about this woman is an understatement. Interesting and unique woman like her are hard to find. I would be a fool to not give my best effort here. Before I can do that, a part of me has to calm down and not to become so intoxicated that I loose complete control. Doesn’t mean I cannot be excited! Which I am!

Image Credit: Ammar Abd Rabbo on Flickr

A few of the reasons I falter is I get so wrapped into the conversation, I forget or take the opportunity to formally introduce myself; I become just another guy. Here’s perfect example, 5 posts in and I’ve yet to tell my readers (who seem to be predominantly female) anything about myself. I’ve dropped some hints but nothing direct. So it’s time to introduce myself.

Let’s start with the information that you know, I’m 28 (yes a youngin’), a NYC native (born and bred in Brooklyn), and have been single for most (i.e. all) of my young life. I’ve dated women of all shapes, sizes, and age ranges (up to 40), and have made plenty of mistakes.

There are some traits that should help me while dating, but don’t seem to. I’m tall (6’2”), attractive (I’m quoting my female friends here), intelligent, witty and a nice guy. I was raised to be chivalrous, opening doors, paying for first dates, being respectful; things women seek but reject. I suffer from “Nice Guy Syndrome” and frequently park myself into the friend zone. Another advantage/disadvantage is my ethnicity, I am Hispanic/Black. On the surface many women state that a person’s race or ethnicity is not an issue. In the melting pot that is New York City, you would think this wouldn’t matter much, but it does. I’ve learned women are extremely picky about the ethnicity of their partner.

In NYC’s scene there’s two important dating questions women ask all of the time. I dub these the “Superficial Twins”: Where do you live? What do you do? I’ve been turned down based on my answers to these questions. I have always lived in Brooklyn, even before it was popular, and I work in the computer field and perform freelance work on the side. My answers don’t seem to gather as much interest as “Upper West Side” and “Banker.” The Superficial Twins are masked as questions to get to know you better, but really ask “How much money do you make?”

This should give paint a general picture of who I am as I continue writing about my dating experiences. Feel free to post them below, tweet me, or contact me.