It’s not often I have a person helping me meet women at a bar, but there I was, at a bar with @URWingman Thomas Edwards while he helped me approach a group of four women. This was the third bar of the evening, the first was my home bar, the next two were places where he could see my game. While at the home bar, he prepped me for the next phase, giving me some tips and advice on the process of the evening. He wanted to see how how much game I had. I warned him this may be ugly.

Strangely I felt like Neil Strauss in The Game, when he first met Mystery. The differences are, Thomas isn’t a pickup artist, he’s was showing me how to become comfortable meeting women by being myself. It’s not that I ever doubted his skill but there was a moment the situation became real. While at the second spot for potential meet ups, we walked down a flight of stairs. A girl noticed him and she said, “what’s up?” nonchalantly. She responded and her face lit up! She began to focus all of her attention onto him. It was like magic! I was amazed, and immediately asked him, “How’d you do that?”

“That? Dude it’s that easy!”

He broke down how the situation unfolded and was showing me how easy this was. My only thought was “Damn, I want it to be that easy for me!”

We went to a third bar quickly after the demonstration. We looked around and picked a group of women to talk to, there were four of them. Before approaching he laid out a strategy, and I was to follow his lead. Approaching a group of four women is like entering the mouth of hell. In the past I’ve often been chewed up and spat out, so I didn’t know what to expect. Thomas again made it easy, all while showing me his techniques. This was better than The Game, instead of using silly pickup lines, preprogrammed tactics, this was about acting naturally, and having normal interactions with attractive women. On the outside it looks simple, easy, possible. Inside there’s thought, moves, and approaches that must be made.

The group of four was an interesting bunch. The one woman I targeted in the group, worked in the medical field. He opened her up for me, we all talked. Shortly after introducing ourselves, they wanted us to take pictures of them but he had a different idea. He decided we should take a picture of ourselves then one of them. I’m not sure what to think of this, even today a week later. When he explained it, it made sense to me. When a girl asks you to take pictures you become their camera person for the night. You don’t want to become that person. You want to stay away from becoming their photography bitch. I instantly thought of the times I was someone’s designated photo whore, realizing where I’ve gone wrong in the past. It’s something that’s been a source of frustration.

As conversation continued, we found out that the target had a boyfriend, but she wasn’t sold on the idea. She said something similar to, “I have a boyfriend but, ya know, he’s whatever.” I would later find out from Thomas that this was a golden ticket! It’s rare when you meet a woman who openly tells a guy she’s taken but willing to move on for you. Essentially that was the message being relayed, and I was missing the messages. Thomas made very clear the missed opportunity as I displayed how ignorance of the situation.

Throughout our conversation, she displayed more of an interest in my wingman than me. It was as if we were in a raid, he was the person who pulled mobs and I was the tank. At times I lost aggro as her focused turned onto him. Essentially her interest in me would waiver and focus onto him. I’m very familiar with this situation. Often I find myself having to fight for the attention of women when out with some of my guy friends. It becomes more of a competition, and I had to remind myself that this wasn’t a competition. My wingman was here to help me, not to compete with me.I have to say, Thomas did act as an awesome wingman, he found opportunities to excuse himself, raised topics that brought the attention back to me. Throughout the process he was supporting me. It was refreshing.

It was time to go. I got her email (she wasn’t giving away her number, boyfriend I guess) and we left for a recap. I left with a very different sense of myself and the process. I felt empowered, confident, and able to meet any woman I came across!

After parting ways, I hopped onto a local train to transfer to a Brooklyn bound train. While waiting on the platform for my transfer, I spotted a very attractive woman. We were waiting for the same train.

“How long have you been waiting?” I asked.

“I just got here and you?”

“The same I just got off the local.”

“Oh really? Me too.”

The conversation ended there. She was soon walking away down the platform. There’s still plenty of work left to perform.

Image Source: Steve Maw on Flickr

I’ve teamed up with Laurie to offer a great discount to all of my readers. Contact her thru her website, Twitter, or Facebook to sign up for any of her services, mention Single City Guy sent you, and you will earn a 15% discount! It’s a great value, at a great price!

You may be wondering, “Hey SCG! You already have a dating coach!” You’re absolutely right, and eFlirtExpert Laurie Davis is awesome, however her specialty is online dating. I’m approaching the point where I need to work on my face-to-face interactions, my approaches to women at bars, in public, or at events. While Laurie does provide this as a part of her services, Thomas goes a bit deeper and really breaks down the dynamics of what is going on. As he explained it to me, his process is much like a class, you begin with “Chapter 1” and build on the lessons here to “Chapter 2”.

Meeting Thomas was very cool, he’s a cross between Hitch, Shaft, and Kanye. When I first learned about him, I was immediately put at ease that he was a brotha (another Black male in the dating arena), because I felt he could relate to some of the issues I’ve dealt with in the past. Not only did he understand, he was one of the few who even flipped the situation on its head, making me think of my perceived disadvantages as real advantages. Most people would be quick to hold a pity party, he wasn’t heading down that route.

While Thomas’ approach does focus on dating, it’s more of a wholelistic approach, combining my dating life and my real life into one. I was very impressed and will be acquiring his services in the near future. Do note, he may be a bit pricy, but for the range of services that are being offered, it’s worth every bit. I highly recommend following him on Twitter, catching up with his blog and picking up his free e-book “The Other Twenty Percent.”

It’s become painfully obvious that I need help attracting a date. We men only have a handful of resources available to us and a majority of are very heavy handed. It speaks from the position of a Pick-Up Artist (PUA) whose sole intention is to find a “right now” woman. While these methods work, they aren’t my style, I really don’t feel like objectifying women as notches on my bedpost. PUA techniques do help raise confidence and gives us a chance at meeting women but really doesn’t help us meet quality women. Now it was time to try something a bit more serious and a lot more comfortable. It was time to try eat my pride and solicit the help of a Dating Coach.

Enter Laurie Davis (eFlirt Expert), a Dating Coach based out of NYC who specializes in online dating. She uses her background in PR marketing to tailor a person’s profile and online appearance to best attract the quality woman they are seeking. Her experience doesn’t just exist in the online realm, but reaches into the offline world. While the idea of seeing a dating coach seems a bit humiliating, I’m not beyond asking for help. To see how legitimate she was, last Wednesday I arrived at her weekly free advice seminar at Aroma on the Upper West Side.

There were some expectations I had of the eFlirt Expert. The first was that she would be attractive. Yes, I was expecting my dating coach to be cute. The logic here is easy, would you seriously take advice from someone who wasn’t attractive? That’s like getting financial advice from a plumber! My second expectation was that she was not single, this may be a bit confusing to understand. I believe a dating coach should know what it means to be single and use their own techniques to find a date for themselves. If they can find a date using their own techniques, then I should be able to find one as well! Third, she had to be comfortable, take a joke, and deal with my personality. I want to get along with my dating coach! Not only did Laurie meet these expectations, she was able to handle my questions and dole out great advice easily.

Laurie’s advice is sound and beyond traditional common sense. I had several cookie cutter questions lined up and I wanted if she’ll answer using some basic theoretical advice or substantial advice I could use immediately. Lucky she’s a legitimate dating coach and was able to answer my questions with helpful, ready to use advice that fit my personality. Along with helpful advice, she had a bevy of great ideas and additional things to try along with some great resources. It was enough for me to sign up for the “New Yorker” a $250 value and her most expensive package.

While I won’t give away Laurie’s secrets (and she won’t give away mine), I will keep you updated on my experience with the eFlirt Expert. She’s coming this week to go through my wardrobe. This is going to be interesting.