Many women believe by showing up to a date, they are guaranteed a second date with the same person. However, showing up and having a conversation with your date, doesn’t guarantee a second date. If anything, you’re barely performing the minimum requirements for a date. Sitting across from a person and having a conversation doesn’t mean you’ve interacted. You’ve asked questions, he’s asked questions, and the date has turned into a job interview with food or drinks. You’re not leaving a memorable impression, instead you’re leaving a very sour and bland impression.

While getting to the first date is great, to guarantee a second or third date, you must make a memorable impression. Something that will separate you from the other women he’s dating.

What is a memorable impression? Let me tell you what it isn’t: showing off your boobs, having large boobs, having great legs, indicating that you love having sex, or indicating that you’re a freak in bed. Sex isn’t how we remember women, while these are things that make you stand out, they aren’t how we remember you. Why do you think beauty pageants have a question and answer section? They’re millions of beautiful women, and if you answer every question with “world peace”, you’ll end up just like another beautiful woman.

So what makes a woman memorable. It differs for every guy; generally it’s based on how well you connect with him and if you have similar interests. For me, a female football fan will always rise to the top of my list. The one thing that makes a woman memorable is their attitude. If someone shows up to a date, with a sense of entitlement, she’s not going to get a second date. While there’s men eager and willing to play sugar daddy, it’s not the majority of the male population.

It’s okay to have fun on a date, to make a joke, and to be witty. Those are the women we men crave. They have a sense of adventure, are fun, and don’t take things too serious. These are also the women who put their best effort in connecting with the guy that you’re on a date with. You can’t be witty unless you’re listening to what he has to say and connecting the dots. If things go well, a second date will emerge. If things don’t work out, at least you tried. Some people aren’t compatible at all.

Photo by Vivian Chen [陳培雯]

“The guy I went on that date with texts me a lot, calls at least once a day. How do I tell him it’s not necessary without hurting him?” – Blown Up Phone

When a guy texts and calls a lot, he’s worried you may disappear. It means he likes you and afraid, not that he’s insane. His own insecurities have risen and taken over his thoughts, and all he can think about is “she’s going to disappear!”. When I’ve done in this in the past, most of the women have run away, and I’ve never heard from them ever again. I wish I was calmer in the process. There is a better way to handle this situation, while maintaining respect for him and yourself.

Let him your communication preferences. Are you a one a week phone call person, or several times a week. He needs to know your level of comfortability. Letting him know this information will send a clear message, don’t call me every day (or call me every day, if you’re into that sort of thing!) If it remains an issue, let the guy know, nicely, what you’re preference is. After calling or texting, something like, “I’ll call you in a few days,” works. That means you’ll have to call him in a few days.

Make it clear to the guy that you like him. This will help ease his fears that you’re going to walk away. If he knows you like him, he’ll be more comfortable and at ease. He will know you’re not running away from him, and he will see you soon! Most of the times when we blow a woman’s phone up, it’s because we are scared of loosing her to another man. If we know there’s an interest, we will calm down, and approach the budding relationship without the need to call you a million times.

Photo By: Chris Martin

“You know, I was looking for Yankees tickets, because I get a discount, but I couldn’t find any. The only one’s I found were Mets tickets. We should go to a baseball game together,” Rule Breaker said over the phone a few days ago. It made me smile and stilled my heart. She had been paying attention. While baseball isn’t my favorite sport (football and basketball come first), it’s baseball season and, as a date idea, I threw around going to a game with her. I hadn’t been to either of the new parks (Citi Field or the new Yankee Stadium), and would have liked to, especially with her.

When the opportunity presented themselves for tickets, she didn’t have to call me at all. She already knew the teams I liked, looked at the options and considered my tastes. It was as if she had been listening to everything I’ve been saying for the past two months. It’s one of the reasons we mesh so well, she knows my style. Throughout our relationship, she learns about me, who I am, and applies these lessons. Instead of living in her own world of what a boyfriend should like (oh the team doesn’t matter), she knows I’m more of a Yankee fan than a Mets fan (see my current Twitter avatar) and she knows I would love to go to a baseball game. This may be a small example, but it’s a series of small examples. This weekend we had our first afternoon date. I suggested some time ago we should walk the Brooklyn Bridge. I like walking the Brooklyn Bridge. Not only did she remember, she kept on pushing for the date to happen. It did and was wonderful.

A good girlfriend (or boyfriend), should know their partners style. They should know what they like, what they are inclined to, and what they dislike. This only happens because she listens to what I have to say. While we’re not cut from the same cloth, we are joined to the hip because our differences are what brings us closer. While dating, you should consider this as a question to ask. Does she mesh with you? Does she know your style? Is she going to mesh well with you? Instead of looking at the physical characteristics, these happen to be the most important for a better and longer lasting relationship.

It may seem silly to ask, but I believe it is a valid question. Everyone dates, but not everyone dates for the same reasons. When I began dating as SCG, I wanted to get my feet wet and possibly engage in a series of short term relationships. I needed to know what I was seeking, the qualities I really liked in a person and what I truly sought in a relationship. Thru my process, I knew my goal was to meet a quality woman, and enjoy my time with her. While the process didn’t happen as I would have liked, the end goal was met.

I started dating for relationships. Short term relationships can easily turn into something permanent. My reasons for dating differ from other’s; I find many date for sex, other’s for companionship, and the rest – just because. I assume some bloggers date to blog, instead of blogging about their dating experience. Everyone has their reasons for dating, but I find many become discouraged because their results aren’t compatible with their reasons.

We know 1 +1 = 2. We also know that 10 – 8 = 2. However 1 – 1 and 10 + 8 equal completely different numbers (0 & 18 respectively). While you may have the numbers right, your method of computing them produce completely different results. The same works for dating, you may have the right elements in place, but if you’re seeking a relationship, yet acting as if you only want sex then you’re not going to end up in a relationship. Relationships aren’t born out of friends with benefits, and the opposite isn’t true either.

Ask yourself, why are you dating? Then ask yourself if your methods of dating will achieve the results you’re seeking.

Photo by: Jason Permenter

When I started with Laurie Davis, she asked me who my cookie cutter woman was. What was she like? I rattled off a bit of superficial checklist items, she had to be tall, had to be into sports, and so on. My dream woman was the love child of Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox, Brooklyn Decker and Lucy Lu. This woman exists in two places, my dreams and fantasies.

The perfect man doesn’t exist. No one person is perfect. It’s evident by the many single women who seek for their perfect guy only to find him and realize that something isn’t right. Someone once told me she kept dating musicians, and after several failed relationships, decided to date non-artists. She’s currently single and unhappy, because she only changed what the guy did as a requirement, instead of the type of guy.

While single, I was often asked why I didn’t have someone. Some of the reasoning, I’ve explained it to be a problem with the type of women I was seeking. However, it’s not all me. Especially online, women filter their preference of men along very narrow guidelines. Height, for an example, is one such requirement. Having to be over 5’7″ to be dateable is the silliest thing I’ve heard women use. They fell it’s too awkward dating a shorter man. Do they ever think how awkward it may be dating a shorter woman?

Women will seldom get their gingerbread man as they think of him. Like gingerbread man, there are many variations are just as delicious, if not better tasting, but use different recipes. If the gingerbread man your eating keeps making you sick, why not try a different type?

Photo by dichohecho

SCG: I know this isn't a dating picture, per say, but it's a cool design from a clothing company!

Here’s a great question I’ve recently had to handle. When do you become exclusive with the person you’re dating? There isn’t a 20 date minimum to exclusivity, it’s more innate than that, it’s a feeling. That may be a “cop out” answer, but it’s the only logical answer.

There comes a point while dating that you know it’s time to give up on seeing anyone else. It’s when the thought of dating another person doesn’t feel right, where you don’t have any interests in another person. It’s also when that feeling isn’t forced upon you but develops naturally.

When you date someone you like, the beginning is always flooded with intense emotions and feelings. You’re going like everything about them instantly, want to see them often, and your thoughts are going to include an intense sense of longing. After that there’s usually a letdown, many people realize that maybe they don’t feel the same, or that feeling of longing is really lust.

There’s several ways to tell if you’re truly interested in the person your dating, however I think the clear-cut sign is when you don’t see yourself dating another person. The moment you’re not interested in going on anymore dates with strangers is time to throw in the towel. This isn’t because dating has become a hassle, but because you don’t feel the need to continue to date. It’s the “I rather see the person I’m dating, rather than try to date some stranger,” feeling.

I used to think it takes about a month to get to this point, but with some of the women I’ve dated, it’s taken about a month to know that I don’t like them. Don’t think of it as a timeline, or a certain amount of dates, some people know they are perfect for each other the minute they lay eyes on one another, other take a wee bit longer.

Whenever you decide to become exclusive with your date, make sure a few things have happened before that point:

1. Make sure you’re not interested in seeing anyone else. Hesitation isn’t a good thing.
2. Make sure you’re ready. If someone really likes you, they may wait for you, but not forever.
3. Make sure the two of you have the same goals in place. Some people would like a family immediately, others rather wait for some time.
4. Lastly, have no doubt. You cannot become exclusive with someone if you doubt them or yourself. Don’t.

Photo by iKandyHawaii

There are millions of articles, websites, books and magazines dedicated to translating the hidden language of men. It’s not that we speak a hidden language, but we communicate differently than women. Generally we are seen as poor communicators, a fact I’m not inclined to dispute. Men are perceived as poor communicators because most of our communication relies on assumptions and actions instead of traditional verbalization. We speak, but don’t go into detail about every piece of our lives. The truth of the matter is we display our feelings differently than women, which causes plenty of confusion and frustration.

Women enjoy hearing our feelings and honest thoughts. The truth is more respectable than a lie or and more honorable than leading women to their own assumptions. A woman will often make assumptions based on our actions and their wants, regardless of they’re accurate. If we act as if we’re heading towards a long term relationship, when we’re just seeking sex, women will assume we’re working towards a long term relationship.

I’ve made it a point to ensure that my date and I are on the same page. I make it clear what I’m seeking, and ask what she is seeking, and place no judgement on her answer. I just want to know what I’m heading towards, if this could turn into a long term relationship (girlfriend) or just friends. I’m also clear about my future goals, such as wanting a family in the future, but not the near future. Most dating websites provide sections to include this information, but I’ve found it good to discuss these questions in the dating process. Usually the answer provides additional insight into the person you’re dating. I strongly recommend having this conversation near the end of the first date or during the second date.

During the dating process, it’s okay to indicate your preferences in a relationship; your likes, dislikes and things you would like to do with your date. Often our dating profiles include catch phrases like “fun, energetic and exercise a lot,” but those are just catch phrases, and don’t speak to who we truly are. If we are fun, what do we do for fun? Do we hang glide and seek someone to hang glide with us? How about bowling and seeking a partner for a weekly bowling tournament? If there’s certain things your seeking in a relationship, tell her what they are, and see if she’s comfortable in integrating them into the dating process.

An example, I’m a very touchy person, I enjoy holding hands, walking with my date arm in arm, or wrapping my arm around her shoulder. It’s just my nature. A lesson I’ve learned from Rule Breaker (that would have helped me on other dates) is telling my dates the things I enjoy while dating. On the second date, we walked arm in arm thru a park, it’s something I indicated I enjoyed. I think back to PR Model who I went on a second date with, but never held her hand or performed any relationship like maneuvers that could have continued the dating process. By expressing these preferences, you’re determining if the person is truly compatible with you.

Being honest with your date does not give you a license to be rude or a license to run thru a checklist of requirements. You should be delicate, honest but respectful, and maintain some mysteries about yourself. Let her discover some of your preferences during the dating process. Having honest conversations will clear any potential confusion in the future, and provide an honest insight into the type of person you are, and garner respect from your date.

Photo by WIDOMIRAMA

When I was younger, making a mixtape was one of the best gifts to give a girl on Valentine’s Day. It was thoughtful, required timing, creativity, and hours of planning. Days were spent waiting for a particular song to play on the radio to add it in your “perfect” collection of music. Today’s world of iTunes and pre-made Valentine’s Day Playlists has diluted the art of a “mixtape.” I believe it’s a great Valentine’s Day gift, if done right. It requires some thought, effort, and a willingness to be a bit cheesy.

Avoid using someone else’s playlist! She’ll only find it, and then yell at you. Most of them are generic and use either popular or overused songs. Your mixtape should be catered to her. Start with some of her favorite tracks that are appropriate for the mood. If this means you have to buy an MP3, what’s ninety-nine cents? Sprinkle them around in the playlist, don’t load them all upfront or at the end. Try placing one in the beginning, a few in the middle, and one in the end.

Wrap her favorite songs with a few of your favorites. The catch is, you need to be sure she’ll like your favorites. If she’s not much of hard rock fan, and you love Metallica’s “Loverman”, you may not want to avoid the song. Try finding alternatives, like the original by Nick Cave or the use the Depeche Mode cover. You may also luck out with a better song, with the same title. Billie Holiday, Shabba Ranks, and Robin Thicke have all released different songs, titled “Loverman” and may fit better towards the project.

Have fun with the music selection. I’m not suggesting you should include the Peanut Butter and Jelly Song, but a song that can be an inside joke between the two of you would work well. A Valentine’s Day mixtape is supposed to be romantic, but it should have some humor. For instance, a date and I had a joke about the song “Baby Got Back”. If I were making her a Valentine’s Day mixtape, I would include that song, but maybe towards the end.

Lastly, work within a theme. Don’t just include a series of romantic songs, work from an idea that helps frame your track listing. Something like “The Things I Love About You” where you choose songs about your favorite qualities in her, or “All The Guys Think You’re Also Cute” where you choose romantic songs about a woman, all sang by guys shows you’re creative, thoughtful, and have put thought into the process.

Photo by Leah Tihia™

Ever have a date return after a period of silence. It’s almost as if they feel you’re waiting around for their message when they decide to reappear. Ex-Party Girl has returned from the fade. While I was out at the club Saturday night, celebrating a birthday, XPG sends me a picture message. It was completely PG, but an inside joke that reminded her of me. A part of me believes she was holding onto it for a bit to send my way.

The situation made me wonder a moment, why did she choose now to send this message. Especially in the evening on Saturday? A part of the situation felt like a booty call. This was odd, usually I hear this sort of story from my female friends, but very rarely from the guys. Women reappearing out of thin air after weeks of silence isn’t new, but I don’t have much history with this situation.

I thought the point of the fade was a clear indication that things are over. Not an opportunity to reappear from the ashes and surprise me with a late night text message. Especially after e-mails and other texts remained unanswered. The more I thought about it, the more I began to look at this situation from a different angle, what would my advice be to someone else?

In some respect, I think she got busy and was living her life. In another respect, I believe, I deserve the respect to get that message. I could ignore her text message, but I didn’t want to play that game. I wanted to see what she hoped for. With each passing text, it was clear she wanted to talk again. Usually when this happens to my friends, I tell them to give the person the benefit of the doubt. There’s a caveat, you cannot return exactly where things left off. If you’re interested in the person, mend the bridges that were burned; find out why they disappeared and find out why they’ve returned. XPG and I were on our third date when she disappeared, if I see her again it would be much like a first date. The lead-up to the third date has been washed away. If anything she’s a friend, a position I believe anyone should be in after weeks of no contact.

I A part of me has moved on from her in my constellation of women who maintain my interests. Maybe that will change in the future. Otherwise, I shouldn’t feel obligated to reinitiate dating her again, yet alone talk to her at a moments notice. Just because she’s returned from the fog of the fade doesn’t mean she’s the most important thing right now. Just means her ship has returned to port.

Image Source: Muhammad Ahmed on Flickr

Like fashion, dating trends tend to emerge over time such as interracial dating, cougars, and dating effeminate men. Many websites offer tips and tricks to these trends, but rarely do we get to hear a guy and girls side to the same topic. Enter LoveNation, a weekly web show hosted by my two friends Laurie Davis and Thomas Edwards. Both are dating coaches (eFlirtExpert and The Professional Wingman) and have teamed up for this interesting and unique show about dating.

What makes this show unique is, it’s geared to both men and women on today’s popular dating topics. Along with discussing trends, they answer e-mails from their viewers. There’s also a section titled “He Said / She Said” which features timely advice (such as the Midnight Kiss on New Year’s, or Inexpensive Date Ideas) from each host.

The new show has plenty of potential. While it may seem like just another dating advice show in a sea of dating websites, podcasts and blogs, LoveNation has a certain chemistry not seen elsewhere. While the hosts are dating coaches, they also provide real advice for real people. It’s one of the reasons why I often recommend the two coaches. Their personality, individuality and personal stories shine thru making the show an interesting and unique take about the upcoming and common trends that occur within dating.

Additionally, the advice is very on point (such as accessorizing with socks!)