This guest post acts as a great follow up to “Tips To Make Your Dating Profile Interested” and written by blogger Emily Macintosh. Emily Macintosh writes the dating blog My Life On Match & More .  She is a cute, 30-year-old, successful, LA-based online dater. Her stories are all true and some traumatizing!

Last week I went on two dates.  I was excited about both.  They both looked cute in their online profiles and it seemed like we had a few things in common. Oh, how pictures can be deceiving! Neither date looked ANYTHING like his picture online.  One guy even told me that his picture was 10-years-old!  So, to help you guys (and girls!) out there who are also in the online dating world, here are a few profile tips to help find you your real match.

While all dating sites are different, the profile picture rules all remain in the same.

1. Make sure your profile picture (and all other photos) has been taken in the past year and a half.
2. Post a clear shot of your face, shoulders up.  Stay away from professional headshots and profile photos.  We want to see the real you!
3. Steer clear of hats and sunglasses in your main photo.  If you’re bald and/or cross-eyed we’re going to find out when we meet you in person anyways… no relationship should be based on lies.

** Girls! This is true for you too!  Post of picture of what you look like now, not what you looked like 5 years and 20lbs ago.  It’s not fair to either one of you!  And… online dating sites are not a model search.  Be yourself and maybe you’ll find your match.

Once you have your profile picture down, we would love to learn a little more about you.  Some other tips include:

1. Post of picture of something you love to do.  Snowboarding, camping, etc.  Then we know what kind of activities we’ll be doing together.
2. If you have close relationships with your family and friends, post those pictures and don’t forget to label them.  Sisters get mistaken for ex-girlfriends all the time.
3. Do you have a pet? Show us! We need to know who else is shacking up with you!

Now some things you should stay away from:

1. Please don’t post a picture of your penis.  If we like you, don’t worry, we’ll see it!
2. Don’t take a picture of yourself in your bathroom mirror with your iPhone or Blackberry. This makes you look like you have no friends. If you’re going to be online dating, you’re going to need pictures of you being you.
3. Stay away from posting pictures of you and other girls.  This can send the wrong message that you’re already taken.

With these simple photo rules you should be off to a good start in finding someone that really is your match!  My profile rules are coming soon… stay tuned!

Photo by katieblench

How many times have you sacrificed yourself for someone else? Sometimes it’s rewarding, especially when the other person appreciates it. You performed a favor for them. Maybe they were a friend, family member, someone who appreciates you, your time, and appreciates what you’re doing for them. Sacrificing your time for a loved one and for a person is usually worth the effort and it strengthens the relationship. We don’t consider these sacrifices, more as favors, or something to do. Taking a Saturday afternoon off to have coffee with a friend to discuss a problem or to catch up is a sacrifice in time, but usually not seen as one if the two people are willing.

What about someone you’re dating, especially for the first time?

Over the past few months, I’ve been engaged in a series of e-mails with several women surrounding their dating lives. In most of their cases I’ve found a common thread, they’ve sacrificed themselves for a guy, but has been burned. The way they went about this sacrifice are all very different, but at the end they fell spurned and are upset about the results. Most of these guys were short-term relationships and no longer than two and a half months. What occurred in this time was the guy became the source of their happiness. He was the reason they were happy, without him, they’ve seemed to become bitter, upset and angry not just at him, but other men.

This happens to everyone, both guys and girls. We met someone new, fall heads over heels for that person, and suddenly life is grand. As if our life is suddenly justified by their existence in our life. What happened to us? Our lives? We were not happy before we met this person?

I’ve in the past made this mistake, it’s in part why I took the abuse of Invisible Woman and engaged in so many long distance relationships. I wasn’t able to find my happiness in person, so I found it somewhere else. Online. Somewhere along the line I wasn’t happy with myself. I had to work on my flaws, my issues, but was stubborn to acknowledge them. There was a period of my life, especially my dating life, where I blamed everyone for my mistakes, but never took the personal responsibility. Women never approach men in droves (unless your famous) but in my mind I assumed they would.

My friends, who have a successful dating life, tend to also be very happy with themselves. They usually have an active social life with friends or family, work on the issues they have, and don’t rely on any particular person or thing as a source of happiness. They maintain a certain perspective, one that places their wants, wishes, and goals first, and only sacrifice themselves for others when they want and are able to do so without harm.

Dating must be approached the same way. Sometimes sacrifices are worth it, other times they are not. Like performing a favor for a friend, determine if a certain sacrifice while dating is truly worth the effort.

If not, put that effort into yourself.

Image Source: Beate Catharina in Wavria on Flickr

We’ve all heard the adage “nice guys finish last”. Unfortunately, sometimes it is true. What can be done to protect yourself against Too Nice Syndrome? How can you be nice and finish first?  The eFlirt expert is here to help.

Women want a nice guy with an edge, not a nice guy who is a push over. It’s a fine line but if you can achieve the perfect balance, you will be completely irresistible to the female gender. One tip? Women want to feel cute and sexy. Guys often get so caught up impressing their date with sweet gestures that they don’t make her feel like a sexy mama, too! Needless to say …

A Little Sexual Tension Goes a Long Way. Don’t scale back the sweet stuff, just add more tension.  Flirt.  Use great body language.  Try touching her knee once or twice if it feels comfortable.  Once you’ve been on a couple dates, send a suggestive text or two.  The more tension you can build, the more likely she is to come back for more.

If you’re afraid your date will think less of your gentlemanly ways due to sexual tension, think again.  As long as you’re not too aggressive with making actual moves, she’ll find it intriguing, not offensive.  Speaking of moves …

Kiss Her Already! If you don’t kiss her by the second date, you are in friend-zone danger.  Make sure that she knows that you are into her on more than just plutonic terms.  Lack of confidence is the biggest Too Nice indicator.  Being a nice guy, doesn’t mean being a shy guy!  Where you take her on dates can be telling, also.  Chose intimate settings with low lighting and flex your chivalrous muscles by paying the bill.

You Can Be Too Nice Online, Too. We all know that SingleCityGuy is dating online. When you log on to the dating site of your choice, be wary of giving Too Nice virtual vibes.  Yes, it’s possible.  In your profile, symptoms include not being specific about yourself, using clichés and avoiding the ‘what are you looking for’ question.  If you come off too nice, you’ll lose out because she either won’t be inspired to email you … or you won’t hear from your ideal matches.

Never underestimate the power of email, either.  Show interest and excitement, but don’t email forever.  Incessantly emailing is a major symptom of Too Nice Syndrome.  After 2 or 3 email exchanges, ask for her phone number or to meet up.  You’re the guy; you should be asking.   If you don’t make a move, you risk coming off indifferent and losing her interest altogether.  Above all …

Don’t Compromise Your Chivalry. Let’s face it, being a nice guy is part of your charm.  You want someone who will appreciate your genuineness.  Keep her guessing with your small gestures of appreciation, and show her that she is irresistible to you.  Consider your intuitive thoughtfulness your secret weapon!

It’s hard to be romantically involved with someone without any physical contact. Loneliness creeps in when a relationship resorts to only Skype video calls, long phone calls, and e-mails as signs of affection. Sure you can send gifts to your lover, but it’s more rewarding if you deliver them yourself. The UPS guy becomes the conduit to your relationships. The best long-distance relationships are the short-distance ones. I like to call this the “Chinese Bus” rule. If you are able to see your lover by way of Chinese Bus on a consistent basis, then it’s worth the pursuit.

This is not to say longer-distance relationships do not work, they usually require additional elements to succeed. I’ve seen plenty of cross-coast relationships blossom into very successful and healthy pairings. There’s usually another element to ensure the success of this relationship. Usually, these individuals work for the same organization and visit different office locations in each other’s home city for an extended amount of time. While they live in across the country, they are able to spend a significant amount of time with each other without affecting their professional life. The time away does become lonely, but it’s supported by video-chats, e-mails, and phone calls, bridging the gap from visit to visit. I know of many couples who have found innovative ways to use video chat and iTunes to create and share romantic moments.

Most of the long-distance relationships I’ve been in have started thru chat rooms or virtual worlds. I would meet someone online, begin to get to know them, develop feelings for them, and end up in a “wonderful” relationship. They would usually live across the country. It would seem the further they were, the more I was interested. Just my luck! This situation becomes unreasonable, and I’ve lied to myself about the success and ability to maintain such a relationship. Every so often I find myself slowly pulled into one, only to remind myself of its hardships. When in this situation cybersex and phone sex become an important part of a relationship. However, often these relationships turn into just that, fake sex to help control impulses.

These virtual long-distance online relationships mature very quickly. There’s an emotional connection (pun intended) developed over a short time span. You learn a lot about a person in a matter of days, instead of weeks or months as in traditional dating. You’re forced to reveal more about yourself to maintain interests. These relationships usually bloom quickly and then dissolve. Often, one would last for weeks; jokingly, you’re consider married if a relationships lasts for more than a month.

Long-distance relationships can be healthy, they can also be very unhealthy. Historically, I have fallen unto the unhealthy aspects, using them as voids to fill emotional and personal problems; to escape dealing with the circumstances that develop a low-self esteem; and even to combat bouts loneliness. LDR’s have really hurt my dating ability, it’s one of the reasons I’ve remained single. Thru my periods of exclusive engagement in long distance relationships, I’ve closed myself off to many opportunities in my own area. It’s a stupid thing to do, especially while living in New York City, where there’s 8.4 million people. You would think, I would have found someone suitable, right?

The ultimate truth of long-distance relationships many aren’t told is, you need to be sure of yourself. There’s plenty of trust required in this type of relationship, you need to be able to trust the person you’re with, and they need to trust you. You also need to know it fits perfectly into your world and that you’re able to handle with the lows (which are very low) and the highs (which are very high). You also need to be sure that you will not cave into pressure, your expectations will not become completely unrealistic, and you will be completely aware of the pulse of the relationship.

It’s easy to waiver in long-distance relationships. For those who can make it work, more power to you!

Image Credit: Marty Desilets on Flickr

One way is by initiating some sort of physical contact, such as leaning into him and kissing him. This may seem like the guys job, but sometimes we are unsure. Let a guy know you like him by initiating a kiss, but first develop some physical contact by leaning into his body. You can even wrap your arm around his, the effect would be the same. The kiss, doesn’t have to be a hot passionate kiss on the lips, it can be a gentle peck on the cheek. Either way, he’ll get the message.

Another way is by saying it. Women love to hear the “L” word, but we like to hear the “l” word. The little “l” means like. “I really like you,” or “I like being around you” or “I’m enjoying the time we spend with each other,” are all ways you’re letting a guy know you want him. You’re saying exactly what he wants to hear, you enjoy your time with him and would like to spend more time around him.

Initiate a phone call. Yes ladies, call him! Women seem to hate this bit of advice, because they always want the man to call. Stop being silly! Put yourself in his shoes, if you’re always calling someone and they are never calling you back, what’s the point? Missed calls do not count, you’re returning a call he initiated. Begin to initiate some phone calls, this will make it clear you are into him.

There’s many other ways to show a guy that you like him, but make sure you’re being clear. From the e-mails I’ve been reading, women tends to play some sort of passive aggressive game. If a woman does xyz a guy must follow with an action to show that he cares. These things do not work. Be upfront and clear, make sure the message is clearly transmitted. You don’t have to be aggressive, that may probably him away. You can convey a clear message without trying to beat him over the head with a bat.

Image Credit: Auzigog on Flickr

An annoying trait women have is the need to push for a definition of a relationship shortly after meeting them. This stems from a recent interaction with someone I’ve just met. Her fear is “guys” inability to commit to a relationship, a typical myth many women have. Believe it or not, most men have a long term plan relationship plan, but our incessant need to have sex immediately sends very mixed messages. Men generally work with a timeline, a set of conditions, or some general rules. Pushing us to that timeline and rules will result in complete and utter failure.

After a day of indicating I was interested in a potential date, she asked why I could not commit to anything, saying “I like you, you like me, I don’t see a problem here.” I did like her but she was asking for a full commitment in a short period of time and I’ve only known her for two weeks as a co-worker. I’m not commitment phobic and contrary to popular myths about men, most men aren’t commitment phobic either. We’re just not ready to commit on the third day. We like determine if a woman will fit into our lives before making a full-time commitment. This goes beyond compatible astrological signs and interests.

When I discuss this topic with friends, the question of sex rears it’s ugly head. I’m always asked if men aren’t commitment phobic, “why do you want to have sex so quickly?” Sex and commitment aren’t linked together in our minds, sex is more biological than emotional for us. If we aren’t having sex, we have hands and porn that tends to handle the short-term needs. We like to have sex with attractive women, especially if they are interested. The sooner it happens the happier we are but we can wait.

Women, if we are interested, we will contact you. If we are thinking long term, we will continue to contact you. We will also take our time in doing so (there are time limits though.) Do not push us, it’s annoying! Trying to define a several day relationship will quickly alienate us. Trying to push us to commit in a relationship when we’re not comfortable or ready is disastrous move and will leave you heart broken. You must exercise patience!

There is an exception to this rule, if a significant time has passed and the relationship seems mutually exclusive and nothing has been said, push, but gently. Do not jarringly shove because you feel it has moved to slowly. I believe a month and a half to three months is a good time to gently push and ask for a definition. After that timeline, the status of the relationship may have already been determined.

(Image Credit: A-Wix on Flickr)

like all of us, has pushed aside someone with the great personality because they didn’t do it for her in the looks department. How many of us have blown someone off without even giving them a chance just because that initial spark was there, despite the fact that had “a great personality.”

How do I know? I’ve been passed up for a better looking guy with the personality of a doornail. If there’s any consolation, I’ve been told that relationship lasted only two weeks.

Being attractive does help grab a person’s attention, personality seals the deal. Successful relationships are built on how interested you are in your partner. Interest is the combination of looks and personality. Being attractive is the best way to get a person interested, it’s bait. To maintain that interest you must have matching personalities, is the hook. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not all about big boobs, nice legs and big butts. Many women benefit from them and for some it’s their only redeeming quality.

Women are judged by their looks, this includes your outfit. Here you have control in displaying your personality. We place women into categories when we look at their outfits. If you look like a whore, we’re going to think your a whore. This may be great if your looking for a one-night stand; if you are by all means find the most attractive person in the room, show as much skin as you can and have fun!

If your looking to attract a quality guy, the best way to reflect some of your personality in your wardrobe! Think about it, our personalities aren’t written on our forehead, they are reflected in the way we dress. Women, no matter what you do, you are going to be judge by how you look, so give us a hint.

One last note, women, please don’t pretend you don’t do the same exact thing! Your not any less innocent than we are when it comes to judging by looks.