Respect Your Relationships

In the past two months, I’ve gone from completely dateless to juggling my calendar between upcoming singles events and dates. Why? Friends who I’ve met as SCG have referred me to other people, recommended events for me to attend, set me up on blind-dates, and have promoted me thru word of mouth (or re-tweets.) Not only do I thank my friends, I respect them dearly for their help. I respect these relationships and do my best to do right by them, as they have for me.

So how does this apply to dating? I have several friends who were great friends, and I cared about, but now tend to avoid. Most of them are female. While I think they are great and wonderful people, I often feel used by them and when hanging out, believe there’s an ulterior motive. My issue is the way they approach our friendships, some treat it as if we’re dating, others treat it like a business transaction. In both cases, there’s a tremendous amount of pressure to perform, but there aren’t any benefits. Often I feel used, guilted, and pressured to jump at a moments notice for their wishes, wants and needs. All of them are single, many unhappily. I believe their approach to friendships and other relationships have kept them single. For the women in this group, if it weren’t for their actions, I would make attempts to date them.

To be a better dater, you must be a better friend. I’m not completely innocent here; in the past I’ve often disappeared from the face of the Earth without communicating to my friends. I was being a bad friend, and at times disrespected the relationships by not explaining myself. I believe this has kept me single and fueled the lonely single feeling I’ve had in the past. Many of the lessons I’ve learned from these mistakes has made me become a better dater today.

I find those who have great friendships have very little problems finding dates. They truly respect their dates and the entire process, also allowing it to be more natural instead of forced by a set of rules and standards. If someone engages in unhealthy behavior, such as making friendships only to seek personal gain, they are going to mirror these actions in every relationship; everything becomes a means to an end. Every person you date becomes a “thing” instead of a a potentially wonderful relationship.

This applies to those who have friends with benefits. You must respect your friend. While your relationship revolves around sex, it doesn’t give you permission to treat them as a toy to sling around. There’s always a give and take, one that demonstrates your respect for the beneficiary.

I highly believe the more you respect the many relationships in your life, the more you’ll see an improvement in your dating life. It can be a small gesture such as making sure you’re timely or lending an ear when in need, or something grandiose.

Image Credit: Trina Alexander on Flickr