Introductions Are Hard

One of my major dating flaws is approaching and introducing myself to women. I’m “old-school” when it comes to an approach; ask for their name, throw a compliment and work from there. In todays modern world, this approach is just as successful as using the line “Hi, nice shoes, lets fuck!” Most people suggest using an approach to gardner her interests into you as a person, such as displaying your humor, wit or intelligence. Afterwards it’s all up to you. I begin to falter right after gardening a person’s interests, usually when you tell the person your name, likes and dislikes.

A few of the reasons I falter is I get so wrapped into the conversation, I forget or take the opportunity to formally introduce myself; I become just another guy. Here’s perfect example, 5 posts in and I’ve yet to tell my readers (who seem to be predominantly female) anything about myself. I’ve dropped some hints but nothing direct. So it’s time to introduce myself.

Let’s start with the information that you know, I’m 28 (yes a youngin’), a NYC native (born and bred in Brooklyn), and have been single for most (i.e. all) of my young life. I’ve dated women of all shapes, sizes, and age ranges (up to 40), and have made plenty of mistakes.

There are some traits that should help me while dating, but don’t seem to. I’m tall (6’2”), attractive (I’m quoting my female friends here), intelligent, witty and a nice guy. I was raised to be chivalrous, opening doors, paying for first dates, being respectful; things women seek but reject. I suffer from “Nice Guy Syndrome” and frequently park myself into the friend zone. Another advantage/disadvantage is my ethnicity, I am Hispanic/Black. On the surface many women state that a person’s race or ethnicity is not an issue. In the melting pot that is New York City, you would think this wouldn’t matter much, but it does. I’ve learned women are extremely picky about the ethnicity of their partner.

In NYC’s scene there’s two important dating questions women ask all of the time. I dub these the “Superficial Twins”: Where do you live? What do you do? I’ve been turned down based on my answers to these questions. I have always lived in Brooklyn, even before it was popular, and I work in the computer field and perform freelance work on the side. My answers don’t seem to gather as much interest as “Upper West Side” and “Banker.” The Superficial Twins are masked as questions to get to know you better, but really ask “How much money do you make?”

This should give paint a general picture of who I am as I continue writing about my dating experiences. Feel free to post them below, tweet me, or contact me.