The Truths Behind Long Distance Relationships

Long distance relationships seem less taboo and more feasible in the todays modern world. Travel is relatively fast, it takes roughly 6 to 8 hours to fly from the East Coast to the West Coast. In a recent flight to Cleveland, it took me roughly 2 hours to travel from city to city, that’s some people’s daily commuting time in NYC. I’ve seen plenty of successes in initiation of long distance relationships (LDR’s), but very little success in the long-term maintenance required of any relationship. Everyone who begins a long-distance relationship believes it can work. No one ever tells you is the amount of energy and stress it takes to maintain one. It takes more energy than a traditional relationship. This doesn’t mean it’s not feasible, but you need to prepare for a rough road ahead.

It’s hard to be romantically involved with someone without any physical contact. Loneliness creeps in when a relationship resorts to only Skype video calls, long phone calls, and e-mails as signs of affection. Sure you can send gifts to your lover, but it’s more rewarding if you deliver them yourself. The UPS guy becomes the conduit to your relationships. The best long-distance relationships are the short-distance ones. I like to call this the “Chinese Bus” rule. If you are able to see your lover by way of Chinese Bus on a consistent basis, then it’s worth the pursuit.

This is not to say longer-distance relationships do not work, they usually require additional elements to succeed. I’ve seen plenty of cross-coast relationships blossom into very successful and healthy pairings. There’s usually another element to ensure the success of this relationship. Usually, these individuals work for the same organization and visit different office locations in each other’s home city for an extended amount of time. While they live in across the country, they are able to spend a significant amount of time with each other without affecting their professional life. The time away does become lonely, but it’s supported by video-chats, e-mails, and phone calls, bridging the gap from visit to visit. I know of many couples who have found innovative ways to use video chat and iTunes to create and share romantic moments.

Most of the long-distance relationships I’ve been in have started thru chat rooms or virtual worlds. I would meet someone online, begin to get to know them, develop feelings for them, and end up in a “wonderful” relationship. They would usually live across the country. It would seem the further they were, the more I was interested. Just my luck! This situation becomes unreasonable, and I’ve lied to myself about the success and ability to maintain such a relationship. Every so often I find myself slowly pulled into one, only to remind myself of its hardships. When in this situation cybersex and phone sex become an important part of a relationship. However, often these relationships turn into just that, fake sex to help control impulses.

These virtual long-distance online relationships mature very quickly. There’s an emotional connection (pun intended) developed over a short time span. You learn a lot about a person in a matter of days, instead of weeks or months as in traditional dating. You’re forced to reveal more about yourself to maintain interests. These relationships usually bloom quickly and then dissolve. Often, one would last for weeks; jokingly, you’re consider married if a relationships lasts for more than a month.

Long-distance relationships can be healthy, they can also be very unhealthy. Historically, I have fallen unto the unhealthy aspects, using them as voids to fill emotional and personal problems; to escape dealing with the circumstances that develop a low-self esteem; and even to combat bouts loneliness. LDR’s have really hurt my dating ability, it’s one of the reasons I’ve remained single. Thru my periods of exclusive engagement in long distance relationships, I’ve closed myself off to many opportunities in my own area. It’s a stupid thing to do, especially while living in New York City, where there’s 8.4 million people. You would think, I would have found someone suitable, right?

The ultimate truth of long-distance relationships many aren’t told is, you need to be sure of yourself. There’s plenty of trust required in this type of relationship, you need to be able to trust the person you’re with, and they need to trust you. You also need to know it fits perfectly into your world and that you’re able to handle with the lows (which are very low) and the highs (which are very high). You also need to be sure that you will not cave into pressure, your expectations will not become completely unrealistic, and you will be completely aware of the pulse of the relationship.

It’s easy to waiver in long-distance relationships. For those who can make it work, more power to you!

Image Credit: Marty Desilets on Flickr