One of my major problem of mine is thinking too much. I tend to overanalyze my dating situations to the point I think myself out of potential success. Some of this is natural; I work in an analytical field and often find myself analyzing complex problems and determining solutions. Often, I feel my work is a natural extension of who I am, I enjoy problem solving. These skills don’t translate well to the dating environment, even if you have some tools for success.
I seem try to think myself into a date. If I follow a certain formula, or say certain things, she will pay attention to me. The Game shows this can be a successful technique, if you know the formula, however The Game isn’t the norm. That’s not how it works at all. While thinking, I often find myself preparing for rejection or the multiple what-ifs. When I’m not thinking, I tend to be under the influence. I’ve also achieved the best successes, because I was forced to just by myself and react to the situations as they present themselves. My liver and my health cannot take the consistent abuse of alcohol.
The times I find myself over thinking are the moments my confidence level dips. Other times it’s when I find myself unsure in how to act in a situation. While they’re rules and guidelines to follow, many times I find myself in situations where the rules no longer apply.
So, now that I know the problem, how do I get past this hurdle? Between two dating coaches and this blog I’m sure I’ll find the correct answer. So far I found the answer to be, “relax and do what ever feels comfortable.” Some of what feels comfortable isn’t great dating techniques, but at least I’m not thinking. I’m also (hopefully) learning from the mistakes I’ve made, but also from the successes I have.
Until then, I guess I’m going to learn some techniques that gets me to stop thinking so much. Any suggestions are more than welcome!
Image Source: NeitherFanboy on Flickr
#1 by Loverville on February 1, 2010 - 11:26 pm
Trust me — you’re not the only one. eg, I have a first date with a guy tomorrow that I’m excited about — he called a little while to reconfirm. After we hung up, I thought, “hm, he seemed to want to get off the phone rather quickly…”.
I caught myself for being ridiculous — and reminded myself to just relax, and enjoy tomorrow’s date.
I guess my answer is: just try to remind yourself NOT to overthink — you can’t read someone else’s mind!
#2 by Kelly Seal on February 2, 2010 - 2:26 pm
I agree with Loverville about just relaxing. And as for “The Game”..it would work if more women weren’t familiar with the concept…seems like now we are good at spotting this technique. Anyway, there’s no need for it when a woman is really interested. Let go of the rules and try just being honest and see what happens. I think we attract a different type of person to us when we choose to live honestly.
#3 by Single City Guy on February 2, 2010 - 5:26 pm
Actually, there’s plenty of reasons why The Game, doesn’t work, not just for the fact that women are prone to their techniques.
#4 by Miss Alpha on February 4, 2010 - 2:08 am
/ “I think we attract a different type of person to us when we choose to live honestly.” / I wholeheartedly agree with this, Kelly.
You have to be real when you want something real. And you have to be in the moment with people to really connect, which means leaving your inner worry-wart at the door.