Stop Thinking So Much
One of my major problem of mine is thinking too much. I tend to overanalyze my dating situations to the point I think myself out of potential success. Some of this is natural; I work in an analytical field and often find myself analyzing complex problems and determining solutions. Often, I feel my work is a natural extension of who I am, I enjoy problem solving. These skills don’t translate well to the dating environment, even if you have some tools for success.
I seem try to think myself into a date. If I follow a certain formula, or say certain things, she will pay attention to me. The Game shows this can be a successful technique, if you know the formula, however The Game isn’t the norm. That’s not how it works at all. While thinking, I often find myself preparing for rejection or the multiple what-ifs. When I’m not thinking, I tend to be under the influence. I’ve also achieved the best successes, because I was forced to just by myself and react to the situations as they present themselves. My liver and my health cannot take the consistent abuse of alcohol.
The times I find myself over thinking are the moments my confidence level dips. Other times it’s when I find myself unsure in how to act in a situation. While they’re rules and guidelines to follow, many times I find myself in situations where the rules no longer apply.
So, now that I know the problem, how do I get past this hurdle? Between two dating coaches and this blog I’m sure I’ll find the correct answer. So far I found the answer to be, “relax and do what ever feels comfortable.” Some of what feels comfortable isn’t great dating techniques, but at least I’m not thinking. I’m also (hopefully) learning from the mistakes I’ve made, but also from the successes I have.
Until then, I guess I’m going to learn some techniques that gets me to stop thinking so much. Any suggestions are more than welcome!
Image Source: NeitherFanboy on Flickr
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Trust me — you’re not the only one. eg, I have a first date with a guy tomorrow that I’m excited about — he called a little while to reconfirm. After we hung up, I thought, “hm, he seemed to want to get off the phone rather quickly…”.
I caught myself for being ridiculous — and reminded myself to just relax, and enjoy tomorrow’s date.
I guess my answer is: just try to remind yourself NOT to overthink — you can’t read someone else’s mind!
I agree with Loverville about just relaxing. And as for “The Game”..it would work if more women weren’t familiar with the concept…seems like now we are good at spotting this technique. Anyway, there’s no need for it when a woman is really interested. Let go of the rules and try just being honest and see what happens. I think we attract a different type of person to us when we choose to live honestly.
Actually, there’s plenty of reasons why The Game, doesn’t work, not just for the fact that women are prone to their techniques.
/ “I think we attract a different type of person to us when we choose to live honestly.” / I wholeheartedly agree with this, Kelly.
You have to be real when you want something real. And you have to be in the moment with people to really connect, which means leaving your inner worry-wart at the door. :)
As someone mentioned earlier, you’re not the only one bro. I have a very analytical mindset as well. I always seem to approach the world as if every aspect of it is simply a puzzle that can be solved if only I find all the right pieces and put them in the right order. Maybe this sounds similar to how you approach things too. On top of being overly analytical, I used to have a lot of issues with anxiety, especially around females. A horrible combination, you could imagine.
So I’ll tell you what helped me to conquer my anxiety, as well as help tackle this overly analytical brain of mine. What I did was get into meditation. And not just like half-way, give it a try, type of thing. I mean I really got into it. And got good at it too. Now, you might be thinking the same thing I did at first, “Ehh that sounds kinda stupid.” or “Naw that doesn’t really sound like it’s for me..” But seriously man, it has helped me so much in several aspects of my life. It taught me probably the most critical skill I’ve ever learned, to stop those damn stray thoughts from running wild in my head.
Whenever I used to find myself in a situation that got me nervous (like being around females) my stray thoughts would completely undermine my natural thinking. When comfortable, I’m a pretty funny guy with a very quick wit. But when nervous, I would try so hard to think of ‘the right thing’ to say, and try so hard to reshape and articulate my thoughts (my analytical side in action) that I would clam up and not say anything altogether. I was seriously one of the quietest kids in high school.
I’m in college now and I’m one of the most outspoken people in my classes. And it basically can all be attributed to the fact that I’ve learned put a reign on my thinking. I can tell without knowing you that you are certainly an intelligent person, you think so much that you over-think. Like you said this is a great quality in certain situations, but it becomes your own worst enemy in others.
I’m certainly no professional, but I think your best bet is to try what I suggested. Find some good info on the methodologies of meditation. Personally I focused on directly on teachings from the eastern religions considering they have basically mastered the art form. When I first started getting the hang of it, I began to realize how little governance I actually had over my thoughts, I mean I was shocked at the lack of control.
What I truly realized was, you could be the most intelligent person in the world in every respect; but if you can’t learn to seize control over your mind, it will gladly grab the controls itself in whatever area you allow it to.
Obviously I know that just because meditation has worked great for me, doesn’t mean it would for everyone. But I really do think you somehow need to assert control over those rogue thoughts that are holding you back. Because you do have the ability buried somewhere in there, everyone does, you just need to engage in a bit of self discovery to unlock it.
Sorry that turned out to be so long, it’s not that I just LOVE hearing myself talk (or type, as it were) but I just truly feel for you; as someone who has been there and still is on occasion. I really hope my suggestion helps you out, if even a little. Good luck bro, sincerely.