Invisible Woman

I’ve previously shared some truths I’ve learned from online and long-distance relationships. I’ve had plenty of experience with them. Throughout high school, I didn’t have many opportunities to meet girls, I went to an all boys catholic school. Instead, I was the Magic: The Gathering, LARPing, Vampire the Masquerade geek. My best option to meet girls was thru used chatroom’s and online websites. When I entered college, I began to branch out, beginning to form a non-geek social life. It was hard to leave the chatrooms and websites I’ve used to meet people and kept on returning to them when frustration surrounding my inability to meet women crept.

One woman had the most significant effect on my dating life to this day. Among my friends she’s known as Invisible Woman. This woman grabbed my attention at first type. Silly as that may sound, I can’t explain it any better than that. I was drawn to this woman like moth’s to the flame. Like a moth I was going to get burned.

After a month of meeting this person, we were “dating.” There were plenty of late night hours spent, long phone calls, and e-mails passed between each other. The more I got to know her, the more I was drawn in. We were similar, both were geeks, but she was attractive. She was intelligent, successful, and older (25, I was 18 or 19). She was able to provide, emotionally, anything a frustrated virgin college freshman would ever want: comfort, understanding, and security. The one catch about all of this was her location, she lived in South Florida and I was still in NYC. This was eased by her promises to come and visit, to move to NYC.

She never moved. A few months later, she disappeared off of the face of the Earth, putting me into an emotional tailspin. A year passed and her friend contacted me. We knew of each other, she knew why Invisible Woman disappeared, she had become sick. Over time her friend began to fill the void. She became the new Invisible Woman. I only found out later that she was using me.

We exchanged pictures and information. More late night talks ensued. Years later I discovered the pictures she sent me were pictures of models. I discovered this out by seeing the same photos in an online dating advertisement. There was plenty of information I gave her, that she used to her own advantage. She often got gifts. I never paid a dime, but my name was used to obtain these gifts. I was being used and scammed. Every so often the new Invisible Woman would disappear, only to reappear and want to talk, using me as some sort of emotional crutch or need help with “something.” I was a patsy.

Soon after, she also disappeared, pulling me into another emotional, broken meltdown. Over the course of 4 years, I focused my energy on these two online relationships without any benefit. Every time I thought it was over, I would get sucked into another round of a delusional relationship. I ruined 4 years of my social life for two women who didn’t exist.

Years later, the first Invisible Woman sent me an e-mail, she wanted to apologize. She explained her disappearance and the situation was at the time. I wanted closure, and reached out to her by way of phone. A flood of the same emotions I felt for her rushed through my body, but I had to calm myself down. I knew this was a dead end, and I was only reaching out to her for closure. This time I was going to get what I wanted. Invisible Woman told me everything, what happened to her, her friend and how she had 4 warrants for her arrest in 2 states. She detailed how I was used as an emotional battering ram to drive a wedge in their friendship. Everything was laid out on the table.

I wanted some real closure, I wanted to meet her in person and be able to walk away. I wanted to know she was real and not some robot. Lucky me, I was going to be in Florida within a week of this phone call. As I attempted to discuss the details, the call was disconnected. I never heard from her ever again. I never got the closure I wanted, but I’m glad I never heard from her again. I got the closure I needed. Yet their ghosts of this relationship haunt me to this day.

Image Credit: Cayusa on Flickr