My first OkCupid date was with an upstate 24 year old woman who loved to party and enjoys sports. This may sound like a recipe for a bimbo on paper, she’s actually a very smart and interesting personality. Look wise I wasn’t to excited, she’s a tall girl (which I love) but has a few extra in areas that are unflattering and don’t scream “take me, I’m tall and sexy!” Her personality and attitude bump bumped her from being some average C lister to a possible B (outside of the sports and partying.) Although I wasn’t thrilled it was enough to warrant a date.
The date was fairly average. I was following every first date rule (1 beer, an hour and a-half max), but we were getting along very well it warranted a 2nd beer and an extra half hour. Talking with her was fairly easy, and she had some very interesting stories, but seeing her in person I wasn’t completely attracted to her. I’m very unsure about Ex-Party Girl, I’m not even sure that’s the best way to describe her. She’s a bit complex, has an attitude, and while there wasn’t any super exciting moment, there were several interesting points enough to warrant a second date.
I think, she’s falling into the friend zone, but I’m very unsure.
#1 by Theurban on November 12, 2009 - 10:40 am
Oh come on! When you know, you know! Women can usually tell right away if they are going to want a future with a guy they meet. It’s the same with men, too. You didn’t get the “warm fuzzies” right away… You weren’t as attracted to her physically as you would have liked. Yet she had a great personality. I wouldn’t lead the girl on another date if you’re really not feeling her, I’ve been there!. That’s just me though.
#2 by J on November 12, 2009 - 11:32 am
Warm fuzzies? Uh oh, the dreaded “sparks.” They are necessary. And women can’t always tell right away. I definitely will go on a second date if I felt I was attracted to them, but need another meeting to really sort it out more.
#3 by Single City Guy on November 12, 2009 - 11:53 am
I have to agree with @J here mainly because that’s where I’m at. I’ve been not physically attracted to women only yo turn around and be really attracted to her. I made a judgement decision WAY too quickly. Here I see potential for a person who, may not be killer in looks but I get along with unbelievably well. I would be leading her on if I really hadn’t made up my mind, but in this case I haven’t made up my mind at all.
#4 by maruskamorena on November 12, 2009 - 12:47 pm
I’d say a second date. Too many questions and too much unsettled.
While sparks are much needed, they don’t always happen right away, and often sparks that do happen right away only lead to very short burning-out-quickly romances.
#5 by hiddensurprise on November 12, 2009 - 4:50 pm
I found myself in this exact situation recently. Met a guy with whom I had great chemistry with on the phone and via email but once we met some of the excitement turned out to be a let down. It wasn’t that he was unattractive, just didn’t really get me all excited. He was incredibly nice and mature and had so many really great qualities.
Like you mentioned, I tried a few dates to see if hanging out with him more caused some delayed sparks, no dice. In the end, it just wasn’t there and quickly fizzled completely.
Don’t sell yourself short, I’ve been there, wait for that excitement.
#6 by Mr Deep on November 16, 2009 - 1:37 pm
Maybe you can just put her in the occasional “Hit it” zone…LOL Great posts lately SCG. Hope all is well.