Disturbing Post-Date Thoughts
After my date with the Ex-Party Girl, I was disturbed by a my thoughts afterwards. While I am still on the fence concerning any future relationship with her, a few really horrible thoughts crept into my mind. I did feel guilty for having them. It’s clear a part of me feels as if I’m settling (I hate that word) and another part feels I can’t do better. Chalk not having super hot women on my first few dates and a battered self esteem. As bad as I felt these thoughts were, its clear to me we’ve all had them to varying degrees.
The first thought was, as my friend put it, using her as “cannon fodder.” I’ve lost a lot of confidence in dating and she seems to be a person who I can help build my confidence. The thought was I could date her for a bit, with the explicit knowledge its not going to last. Throughout this process I could satisfy a need and try a few things I wasn’t able with previous women. This is a fucked up thought to have, no person should be cannon fodder! I do legitimately get along with this woman but waiver on how attracted I am to her as a date. This thought is horrible, disrespectful and now I’m reminded how the assholes in the world really think. If I were to continue down this train of thought, I would be using this woman for my own selfish needs and I’m NOT that guy! No, she will not be cannon fodder.
The second thought was “maybe she’ll grown on me,” as if she’s a fungus or moss that I would come to like. A part of this is the motivation behind the second date. I can tell EPG can be hella fun (I like the word hella.) Clearly I have a feeling that I’m settling on her looks, but as I’ve mentioned in the past that’s not settling. To be honest, she’s cute and of my two dates this week, she was the better one by a long shot. I have to stop thinking that I’m settling and give her an opportunity to shine and blow me away. I may be passing up a really great woman here.
Ugh! I feel like such an asshole though.
(Image Credit: christopherdale on Flickr)
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Don’t feel like as asshole. These are normal post-date thoughts, for men and women. Seriously, dude, go on a second date. If you are unsure, then stop dating her. At least, you won’t be thinking “what if?”
Here’s another thought: Why not just have fun and let it be casual?
@Amber Hummm… I had not really thought of it that way, although, not completely sure if this girl would be up for a casual thing.
To be honest, it doesn’t sound like you’re ready for any big commitment. So relax.
You’ll know its right when you don’t think its settling, you’re thinking “OMG I don’t want to lose her”.
Until that point though, you don’t know what will happen. So go on a second date. You don’t have to decide right now if she’s the one. Just have some fun.
In all fairness to you, I believe alot of us have experienced these feeling post first date/meeting and out of kindness hope probably done a 2nd date or more. My experience which could just be unique to me, if you’re feeling the same way with this person after a 2nd meeting, step away from the vehicle, say nice to have met you but!
I firmly believe everyone deserves that 2nd chance to make a first impression, but I find that i know within the 1st 10 minutes of meeting someone if I would want to see them again.
That is why I go with what I call a “1st meeting” prior to a “1st date” proper. Maximum 30 mins, somewhere casual yet safe for both, each comes as they are “work clothes etc.” and that way you’ve both just invested 30 mins of your life and a cup of java, and if you both enjoyed it, plan that all stressful all important “1st date”.
So really you’re making a dating judgement after a 2nd meeting.
Good luck