Why Men Don’t Call

Many women ask me “Why didn’t he call me? Is it me? What did I do wrong?” There are many reasons a guy does not call, everything from being too busy, to loosing your number, to crossed signals. I want to highlight three major reasons as some other topics require their own blog post. These major reasons men do not call are: 1) he’s busy, 2) your not giving him a reason to call, and 3) he’s not interested. While reasons 1 and 2 may sound like excuses and three obvious, they aren’t as simple as you may expect.

We all live very busy lives. There’s a million things that go on through our day in today’s modern world. Between work, our personal lives, and existing social commitments there’s plenty of distractions that would make some commitments (such as calling you) fall thru the cracks. No person (male or female) drops everything to call a potential date because they had a great evening last night. We do it when we are available. This doesn’t mean you’re not attractive, but there are several important things that top calling you. Let me be a bit more blunt and direct here, calling you doesn’t pay the rent. We all have busy lives, so if a guy doesn’t call you when you want him to, he may be busy. It doesn’t hurt to call him either.

Many women do not get a call back because they do not give the guy a reason to call. Usually when I get a phone number from a woman, I’m playful about it, I give her a reason to pick up, I usually make a joke about not picking up. One girl, who was the personal assistant for a high level executive, ran with the joke. She said “I promise, when you call, I’ll just say you’re a potential contractor from Puerto Rico. Your new name is Juan San Pedro.” I called her the next day. Women tend not to give any reason to call or give us the initiative. We usually get a “Call me!” not a “So if you do call me, we’ll set up a time and date for our next date.” We need a reason to call you, especially if we just met you! We don’t want to spend a lot of time on the phone! Give us a reason to call you!

Lastly, the obvious reason we don’t call is, we’re not really interested in you. You may have thought the date went well, but maybe he was being a gentleman. Maybe the date went poorly in his mind. Many of my women friends say “well he should tell me he doesn’t want to go on another date,” and I respond with “Why don’t you call guys back? Why don’t you tell guys that you don’t want to date the same thing?” There’s always a point where there’s a disconnect on a bad date, someone thinks it went really well, another person thinks it went really poorly. Sometimes, on bad dates, we guys stick thru it in hopes to make the best of it (i.e. sex.) Other times we don’t want to be rude. Be honest with yourself and consider how well your date really went.

Last note, if he hasn’t called in 5 to 7 days. Give up. If you have his number and he hasn’t called in 3 days, and you’re still interested, call him! What are you going to loose?

(Image Credit: Furryscaly on Flickr)