When You Turned Down More

Before reading this post, read “When Did Women Start Accepting Less?” by Moxie. This is a great question and the answer is very complex. It begins with the fact that women began accepting less by turning down more! At some point, a change in the female dating mindset warped their procedures for finding the right guy. It’s a reason “The Game” was birthed, the reason many men feel its hard to attract women, and the reason dating is such a mine field.

It begins with the “Have It Your Way” mentality to dating. I may sound like a broken record, but I believe this is a huge stumbling block for all women. Stop shrinking the size of your dating pool with unreasonable requirements. Reasonable requirements are having a steady job, not being on drugs or maintaing proper hygiene. Unreasonable requirements are selecting men who only drive BMW’s, taller than 5’11”, and have green eyes. Imagine the possibilities if some of these dating requirements were relaxed (so instead of a BMW, maybe your perfect guy is driving a Toyota, or is 5’9”.)

The narrower your selection of men, the more likely you’re going to continue dating the same type of guy. Many tend seek a very specific type of guy when they find him are thrilled. He’s “perfect”. They tend to over look his major faults. I’ll be honest with you, the perfect guy does not exist! We tried to build him, but ended up with shiny Twilight vampires. Like everyone else, men have our faults and we can be compensating for them. Seeking a “mans-man”? He’s likely going to be insecure or jealous. Want a toned pretty boy? I hope your ready to meet his other three girlfriends. Seeking someone very effeminate? Don’t be surprised when his boyfriend appears. By pigeonholing your dating selection, you will only find those type of men. The very effeminate, pretty boy mans-man, does not exist! Take a moment and reflect on all of the bad relationships you’ve been in and why they’ve ended. Now compare these guys to each other. If your finding many similarities between each of these men, date a different type of guy!

All men have a very different relationship with sex than women. You make us feel bad about it. Stop! Moxie’s post started with a question from a women who spent two days with a guy in his place, cuddling and kissing. No sex. How sex wasn’t involved is beyond me, but I have some assumptions. The idea that men only think about sex is well overblown, women you think about it as well, probably more than we do. We approach sex differently, the difference is if something goes wrong we don’t have to deal with a 9 month pregnancy. This isn’t being an asshole, it’s pure biology. There’s less risk for us. If the men you’re attracting just want sex, re-read the paragraphs above and begin searching for a new type of guy. If you spend two days at a guys apartment kissing, there should be some sex going on. Even if he doesn’t bring it up. This isn’t a guy thing, this is a human thing. If we’re in a situation that usually leads to sex, we’re going to act on that impulse.

At some point, women have to stop buying into the “all men are assholes” myth; that sex is our only priority; and the perfect guy who fits a list of requirements is out there. Shows and movies like Sex in The City and magazines like Cosmopolitan have warped your mind. Many of the advice you receive is just as good as the advice we get from Maxim. You have to stop being irrational about the people you want to date, what you want from a guy, and what you’re truly looking for. This is why your accepting less. You keep on dating guys who give you a tiny bit but fit your insane requirements, and that makes you happy. If Megan Fox were to send me a message on Facebook that she wanted to have dinner at the last minute, I would be the happiest guy in the world. I wouldn’t care if it was rude and ruined my evening, just that a super hot girl wants dinner with me tonight. If you want someone who’s a gentleman, funny, and exiting, it shouldn’t matter that he lives in Flatbush or the Upper West Side. The 2 Train has stops in both areas.