The Reasons Men Text Instead of Call
One question women often ask is “why do men text instead of call?” Women tend to see this as a sign of laziness on the guy’s part. Men see texting as an easier and more efficient way to communicate. Often we do not understand the difference between texting and calling. We believe we can convey the same message thru text as well as voice. We don’t understand the emotional connection often made with a phone call. These aren’t the only reasons we text opposed to calling but none of these reasons have anything to do with how attracted we are to a woman.
- Fear of rejection – men text because we fear being rejected. If we call, and get a voicemail, a part of us feels somewhat rejected. Obviously, she could be busy, but she could also be ignoring our phone call. Text’s have a sense of immediacy, we’re very sure that she’s gotten and read the text message.
- Hard to ignore – It’s hard to ignore a text message, when you receive one, you’re more likely to act on it. It’s a lot easier to miss a phone call and let it go to voicemail. Voicemails can be forgotten and, many times, can be misunderstood. Texts are in plain black and white, or green, or blue…
- We’re Busy – some people lead very busy lifestyles. I know I do. It’s easier to shoot off a text message rather than having a 10 minute conversation when I only have 5. It feels rude having to cut someone off in the middle of a call. Sending a text message gets my point across and I can also respond to it even if I’m in a meeting.
- Why Talk on the Phone When I Can See You In Person – guys tend not to want to talk on the phone for long when we can meet you in person and talk. We prefer face to face interactions. When necessary we can cope with extended phone conversations, but if we can meet you a 30 minute phone call means a lot less.
- Not comfortable on the phone – this is more of a personal reason than anything else. I can be very uncomfortable on the phone, especially with someone I like. I can bullshit with my friends all day, but sometimes I get nervous and out of breath when I’m talking to a date on the phone. All of that awkwardness is thrown out of the window via text, it’s just words and a keypad. I rather that than having to awkwardly talk into a voicemail void.
Image Credit: amanky on Flickr
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I like the honesty of what you write. I also don’t like to talk on the phone much. However, emotions are in the tone of voice. Without them, unless we’re all professional writers, we leave the words open to interpretation and potential miscommunication. Text and email are great at times, but when we really want to be certain of conveying our emotions, we should use our voice. If we don’t risk rejection (emotions), we don’t risk intimacy.
I originally hated all the texting because it forced immediacy and it seemed less intimate, but now I realize in the dating world it is a must. The only drawback, when you do talk on the phone the first time and his voice sounds like the alien from American Dad, high pitched and feminine. Immediate turn off, and makes you wish you talked on the phone immediately.
I associate guys who text as their primary form of communication as players and liars. I have noticed that guys who are not daily texters have the attention plan for a relationship, while guys who text are more likely to be looking for the next new cute thing. The whole Tiger Woods thing just reinforced that perception. Even worse, when I tell a guy that I don’t text, and he keeps forcing texts on me. I assume the following: (1) he doesn’t listen (2) he doesn’t care (3) he is irritating and needs way too much attention.
@JJ I think you really need to disassociate that sort of connection. Plenty of men who text more than call aren’t liars or players! They may just be gadget geeks.
Maybe you should include “he’s just not that into you”
I fully agree with JJ. I have often told a guy I don’t text only to end up receiving various texts from him. I am anything but demanding and do not expect (or have time for) a call on a daily basis from a man I am just getting to know. However, once or twice a week seems reasonable. This gives people a chance to make plans and just see how things are going for the other person. When did we women begin to expect so little and think so poorly of ourselves that we accept whatever little crumbs of male attention that come our way?? We deserve better. A phone call is non-negotiable. It is a basic. A must. If he cannot MAN UP and pick up the phone, he is not a grown-up and, therefore, not worthy of your trust or time. Men pretend they want to be heroes. When we have the guts to say that a hero should learn how to pick up the phone and input the digits, then he is mortally wounded. If he wants to be thought of as a hero, he has to DO something to earn it.