The Evolution of Dating Thru Social Media

Social media has changed the way many date in today’s modern world. While Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace are social networking tools, they are often used as ways to find local singles in today’s social web. Thanks to Twitter, my dating opportunities has increased, for example I’ve had just as many dates (all specifically non-date dates) from Twitter as I’ve had from OkCupid (all specifically pre-dates and first-dates.) Of the two, my dates thru Twitter have been the most successful. At times it feels as if it is easier to date thru Twitter than OkC.

Early Internet social interaction focused on message bards, chat rooms and IM’s. By finding someone attractive online, one would have to go through extended exchanges of e-mails or IM’s; share pictures, and then schedule a face-to-face meeting. Dating websites were created and made this interaction easier and more direct. It was clear you were using Match.com to find a date, not a knitting buddy (not that the two are mutually exclusive.) Enter Craigslist. Craigslist included a personals section, which is usually filled with spam messages all linking to various pornographic websites. The problem was you couldn’t tell the difference between a real profile and a fake on, by responding to an ad you would, in turn, receive your own personal spam message. It had become very difficult to find a real person in the dating section of Craigslist. This changed when the strictly platonic section became widely used. In this the area more “real” people posted messages seeking others under the guise of being “strictly platonic.” The idea was, if you met a person without any strings attached, you removed the burden of going on an actual date and meet someone who could be a friend or become more.

This trend continued when MySpace became popular. MySpace included the option to seek single people in your area or new friends regardless of their status. During this time some of my friends were using MySpace to find potential dates. Usually it would begin with an exchange of messages and wall comments to determine a person’s interest. Then, if declared sane or safe, a face-to-face meeting would be requested although nothing concerning the relationship was set in stone. Many of my friends felt the person they were meeting were at least a friend but had the potential to be more. The first face-to-face meeting usually determined the next steps in the relationship: friend, date, unsure, or hide.

Many of these face-to-face meetings, are what I would call Non-Date Dates. NDD’s are a feeling out process much in the same way meeting someone for the first time on an online dating site isn’t a first date. When you’re engaged in this type of activity, you’re dating on the fringe, in the areas between dating and friendships. This sort of fringe dating has always existed, such as: going out with an ex, going out to a work dinner with a co-worker where there’s an attraction, or when you’ve not been dating for a while and easing back into the scene. The entire purpose of NDD’s are to act as a way to determine the relationship and make the experience comfortable for both individuals.

Recently there’s been a minor uproar concerning non-date dates and it’s place in dating. Never have I mentioned that NDD’s aren’t dates, instead it’s a type of date, much the same way a friend with benefits is a type of friend. There’s always been a grey area when it comes to dating, but when you take away much of the face-to-face interaction and replace them with digital correspondences and 140 character messages, the grey area only becomes larger. While it may be determined two people get along based on their tweets, or thru wall comments, true compatibility isn’t determined until you meet in person. If you were to meet a Twitter friend you had an attraction for and the attraction ceased upon having a face-to-face meeting, would you end the friendship? What if they aren’t attracted to you? What would happen to all of the capital that was invested during the friendship process before seeing each other? While there’s no real answer to these questions (it’s situational), it underlines the changes social media has placed in today’s modern dating world.

(Image Credit: Don Hankins on Flickr)