If You Want It, You'll Fight For It

During a recent iChat conversation on the Thread.com blog, the ultimate dating truism was mentioned; if you like someone, you’ll fight for them. Often this dating logic places the burden of truth on the shoulders of men. If we like a girl, we would make attempts to call her. We would reach out to her every moment we had, we walk the mile for her every time. If a guy really liked a woman, he would do his best to reach out to her.

While the advice is accurate it’s also adds unrealistic expectations, and allows women to live in a fantasy land. It doesn’t recognize the actual expectations of living in the real world. It also excuses them of any responsibility. I believe this truism goes both ways. If a woman really liked a guy, she has the same responsibilities to fight for his attention.

Let me begin with the common ground on this topic. Guys should put more of an effort when communicating with women. However in today’s world of digital dating (OkCupid, meeting someone thru Twitter, etc), calling isn’t always the preferred means of communication. A guy would know what a girl would prefer to be communicated thru. If you’re smitten with her woman, you should exhaust the forms of communication she prefers and provides you. There should be any hesitation, if you have her Twitter name, tweet her. Have her phone number but can’t call, text her. Have her e-mail address, shoot her a bevy of e-mails. If all else fails, send smoke signals or have messages written in the sky. As a guy you need to fight for her attention.

Women, on the other end, need to realize two facts. First they need to understand that initiating contact with a guy is a good thing. If you like him, you should reach out to him and make it known. This bit of advice goes especially to the independent woman. You cannot have your cake and eat it as well, you can’t expect to not “need a man” and require him to initiate the contact. You need to put yourself out there! Second, women you need to fight for our attention, just as much as we need to fight for yours. We will move onto the next woman fairly quickly if you disappear into the background. If he isn’t responsive to your attempts move on.

We all tend to make the things we want happen. If we want to see a movie, we’ll go. If we want a certain job, we’ll get the education and apply for it. If we like someone, we’ll go out of our way to see them, even for just a moment. Both men and women need to maintain the attention of the person they want. It’s easy to fade into the shadows when someone who provides the wanted attention comes along. If you like them, you’ll fight for them, and every attempt to see them.

Image Source: Martín Vinacur on Flickr