Dating On The Fringes

There’s some very general assumptions about men and women. The common ones are, men just want to have sex and women just want to get married. These are the extremes, one is the polar opposite of the other. Men are often seen as commitment phobic, and women want nothing but commitment. Today’s dating world has two pillars that are based around these thoughts, The Game, tailored for men who want to meet women, and The Rules, tailored for women who are seeking Mr. Right For Marriage.

The Game and the Rules are systems, guides to help wonder thru the complexities of dating. Are they helpful? Yes. Are they entirely accurate? No. While each book will get you to it’s designed goal, the goals are the fringes of dating.

I’m not comparing these to each other, or claiming they act on manipulation (those are other posts), I’m claiming they aren’t the reality of dating. Each has their merit and great advice, but both seem to approach dating the same way. There are steps that can be followed to gain the attraction of your potential mate. By using these systems you can help determine if a person should be interested into you or if you should just find someone else.

If you want to meet more women, The Game is for you. Along the way as a guy you’ll gain a boost of confidence, you’ll learn many of your dating mistakes, and you’ll be able to approach more women, just not more quality women. If you’re seeking a committed long term relationship, The Rules is for you. You’ll be able to move on from being rejected, and become a stronger woman, but I feel you’ll miss out on many great men in the process. Inherently, there isn’t a problem with The Game or The Rules. Each one is just as manipulative as the other, which in the grand schemes of dating, isn’t really manipulative. Women dress certain ways to gain a guys attention and men say certain things to gain a woman’s attention without the assistance of these books.

I believe dating in between the two extremes provide beneficial results. While reading and learning from the extreme’s may help, for regular people, they aren’t the best tools. My best dates have occurred when I didn’t try to “game” a girl. In actuality, the women I’ve met using the strategies in “The Game” were probably reading “The Rules” and following those strategies. They were the worse dates. These books don’t address the real problems that prevent both men and women from having successful, normal, dating lives. I’m not sold that both books provide quality, they may provide quantity but rarely do they provide quality.

They are also based on very poor assumptions, guys only want sex, women only want marriage. Neither assumption is the truth.

Image Source: Zach Stern on Flickr