As I’ve mentioned last week, I’m on vacation. I don’t come back until Saturday, but I did want to share some advice when it comes to meeting important people in your dates life. The friends, and family of the person you’re dating are significant in her evaluation of you. Their opinion of you, will help shape her impression of you. Getting along with her friends and family, means being further integrated into her life, and being in her life for the long term.

Here’s some tips I’ve learned in how to come out unscathed when meeting important people in your dates life.

Be yourself, don’t try to hard to impress. Many tend to overcompensate or make extreme efforts to impress others. For some it’s an reaction to the stress and anxiety of meeting the important people of her life. The reason she’s with you is because, she like’s you for you, not some overcompensating, overbearing individual. Maintaining your composure, and natural sense of self displays a confidence that everyone will enjoy. Importantly, they will know you’re being authentic.

They don’t have to love you, they have to like you. This can be reworded as “don’t try to please everyone.” Everyone is different, and in life, you’ll end up disagreeing with more people than agreeing with them. Her friends don’t have to love you, or agree with everything you say. They just have to like you. The only person that has to love you is your date.

Mind your words, and discussion topics. If you’re a brash person, the first time you meet her best friend isn’t the best time to be brash, unless it’s invited. As well, you don’t have to begin a conversation about a controversial project, unless the discussion already exists. Don’t try to rock the boat, keep things simple, easy, and generic; sports, art, books, are great starting points. If the conversation becomes more involved, follow the conversation in that direction, but stop when it seems you’re heading towards fisticuffs.

Smile, damnit, you’re having fun! I enjoy the company of others and generally a happy person. In the past, I’ve been so anxious during a meeting, there I would forget to smile. Many people read your nonverbal and may assume the worse. Trust me, they will talk about you later, if you’re not smiling it will seem as if you’re not having a great time when the opposite is true. Display your enjoyment, smile.

Remember, this is about her, not you. This may seem counterintuitive, you’re meeting her friends, they are going to judge you. At the end of the day, the focus and the importance of this meeting is her, and her friends. You’re meeting her people, and they are going to talk to her afterwards. Not you. Remember, while you play a part in this meeting, it has very little to do with you, but her. You’re representing her, as well as yourself, so make sure you don’t make her look like a fool.

Photo by @MSG

I’ve been meaning to write this post since the inception of Single City Guy. Erectile Dysfunction is possible the most crippling condition any man can have. It directly affects what men hold important to our lives. I’m thinking beyond just our sexual activity, men often feel crippled with the thought of impotence, and even feel worthless. The thought of impotence is every man’s biggest fear, more so than being alone.

When I was first afflicted with erectile dysfunction, I didn’t quite know what to think. I quickly brushed the fears aside, and determined it was only a temporary issue. I thought due to my lack of sexual experience, it would resolve itself. However, when the situation kept arising, I was devastated, frightened, and unsure of my own masculinity. I was ready to quickly enter a world of deep depression.

ED has often been associated as an aging problem, the older you become the harder it is to enjoy sexual activity. With the increasing awareness of Cialis, Levitra, and Viagra, “Erectile Dysfunction” has become a common word in any relationship. In some ways, it’s brought a comfortability about the topic, allowing a sense of ease and awareness enabling more men to approach the subject. The condition varies in it’s intensity; from the person who unable to “get it up” for a night, to someone who’s completely impotent.

The causes for impotency are numerous, it can vary from stress to psychological to physical and medical. The one thing I’ve learned is it can affect any man, regardless of age. While ED is commonly found in older men, the right amount of stress, psychology or health habits can and will cause a younger man to be plagued with bouts of ED. In my case, what contributed to my situation was that sex had become stressful (due to my unsuccessful history with it), I began thinking too much and wasn’t able to perform. While there were moments of success, there were more moments of doubt and fear that I would be ridiculed in the bedroom. I often was. To help overcome my fears and the ridicule was that this wasn’t about my age or who I was as a person. There were a million other elements that I had to take into account.

The ridicule from women was just mean and inconsiderate, but that’s a different post.

This post isn’t about how to handle erectile dysfunction, but that it can affect anyone. Men aren’t told this but, all men have their moments of impotence, sometimes it lasts a day, sometimes longer. It can affect all men, of all ages, for a multitude of reasons. Most importantly, if you suffer from it, you shouldn’t be afraid. There’s nothing “wrong” with you, you’re just going thru a difficult situation. A situation that can pass quickly, if you work on the root of the cause. Additionally, men shouldn’t be afraid if they are afflicted with ED. Finding proper medial, psychological or professional help usually fixes any issue.

sleep by jenny downing

If you’re  using pickup lines to approach a woman, you’re not going to get far. Traditional pickup lines often don’t work with women, and in many cases they are derogatory and insensitive. Most of them make one thing clear, you want to have sex with her. If you read any of the books, or techniques from pick-up artists, their methods aren’t pickup lines, but instead pickup conversations, or sets. Their engagement with a woman is focused on a series of questions and answers aimed at engaging in conversation. It’s an area where where dates are created on a daily basis.

I’m often surprised by what works to gain a woman’s attention, but then I often thing these are the same things to get anyone’s attention. It’s either a question, a comment, or a conversation starter. If you see her reading a book, you could ask her what she thinks of it, or the title of the book. If you hear her in a conversation about a topic you have some knowledge in, ask some questions about what she may be discussing. Even a “what do you think of this music?” in a club or bar works wonders. The point here is to act naturally with a question or conversation starter.

Having can also act as a source of confidence. I feel intimated approaching a woman with the intention of getting her phone number. Walking up to someone and saying, “Can I have your number?” scares the crap out of me. However, I feel more confident asking within the context of a conversation, “Really, you are in the social media business? So am I, we should swap contact info!” or at the end of an engaging conversation, “Let me get your e-mail so I can send you my top 10 playlist, and we can continue talk music.”

A great conversation has the added benefit of making you more memorable than some of her other suiters. A pickup line makes you seem as just some other guy who’s trying to hook up with her. In most cases, there are plenty.

Photo By MousyBoyWithGlasses

This guest post acts as a great follow up to “Tips To Make Your Dating Profile Interested” and written by blogger Emily Macintosh. Emily Macintosh writes the dating blog My Life On Match & More .  She is a cute, 30-year-old, successful, LA-based online dater. Her stories are all true and some traumatizing!

Last week I went on two dates.  I was excited about both.  They both looked cute in their online profiles and it seemed like we had a few things in common. Oh, how pictures can be deceiving! Neither date looked ANYTHING like his picture online.  One guy even told me that his picture was 10-years-old!  So, to help you guys (and girls!) out there who are also in the online dating world, here are a few profile tips to help find you your real match.

While all dating sites are different, the profile picture rules all remain in the same.

1. Make sure your profile picture (and all other photos) has been taken in the past year and a half.
2. Post a clear shot of your face, shoulders up.  Stay away from professional headshots and profile photos.  We want to see the real you!
3. Steer clear of hats and sunglasses in your main photo.  If you’re bald and/or cross-eyed we’re going to find out when we meet you in person anyways… no relationship should be based on lies.

** Girls! This is true for you too!  Post of picture of what you look like now, not what you looked like 5 years and 20lbs ago.  It’s not fair to either one of you!  And… online dating sites are not a model search.  Be yourself and maybe you’ll find your match.

Once you have your profile picture down, we would love to learn a little more about you.  Some other tips include:

1. Post of picture of something you love to do.  Snowboarding, camping, etc.  Then we know what kind of activities we’ll be doing together.
2. If you have close relationships with your family and friends, post those pictures and don’t forget to label them.  Sisters get mistaken for ex-girlfriends all the time.
3. Do you have a pet? Show us! We need to know who else is shacking up with you!

Now some things you should stay away from:

1. Please don’t post a picture of your penis.  If we like you, don’t worry, we’ll see it!
2. Don’t take a picture of yourself in your bathroom mirror with your iPhone or Blackberry. This makes you look like you have no friends. If you’re going to be online dating, you’re going to need pictures of you being you.
3. Stay away from posting pictures of you and other girls.  This can send the wrong message that you’re already taken.

With these simple photo rules you should be off to a good start in finding someone that really is your match!  My profile rules are coming soon… stay tuned!

Photo by katieblench

A key to dating is having a good wardrobe. Women look at our clothing and determine if we’re a good match by it. Not keeping tabs of fashion or wearing the same worn shoes or jeans to every date makes you less attractive to the opposite sex.

Women do a better job at maintaining their wardrobe than men. While I don’t get their need for having a million shoes and dresses, there is some method to the madness. Women often tweak their wardrobe, every so often the take a shopping trip to see what’s available and what they like. What I’ve learned from this is, I need to periodically visit my wardrobe and add to it. This applies to every aspect of my wardrobe, including my underwear.

If there’s any lesson my male readers should pay attention to, this is it!

Since my shopping trip with Laurie, I’ve done a piss poor job of maintaining my wardrobe. Just because I have a girlfriend, doesn’t mean I could slack on my appearance. Since shopping, I’ve managed to put a hole in one of my favorite jeans, and my new button down shirts, aren’t so new anymore. I have to face reality, my wardrobe needs some additions. The difference now is that I have a template to work with and I don’t need an expensive overhaul. The only thing I need to do is add to and replace old clothing. For instance, I have a few shirts that don’t fit too well, however if I head down to the Gap, I can get replacement shirts easy! If I did this with all aspects of my wardrobe more often (say every month adding or replacing some clothing), I won’t have to take long expensive trips purchasing completely new outfits at once.

Underwear, however, is a completely different story. Like most men, I’ve worn undershirts and underwear until their very last thread. When I need new ones, I end up throwing out the old, and put on the new, only to replace them in another million years. I’ve learned that men should be replacing our underwear every 3 – 4 months. If you’re too busy or can’t remember to do this, there’s a new website for you! Manpacks is a subscription service that sends you a fresh pair of t-shirts, underwear and socks (of your choosing), every three months. You just pay the quarterly fee and items are sent to your home. I rather head to the store and find a sale, but am tempted to try the service as the pricing is very affordable!

Maintaining your wardrobe doesn’t have to be an expensive process. I’ve learned that frequent trips to stores can help save money, you’ll know when the sales occur and find the deals as they occur. The more you perform small tweaks to your wardrobe, the less you have to handle large and expensive shopping trips. Most importantly, you’ll look better and more attractive in the process.

Photo By: 2Tales

I’ve always assumed, that moment I would have a girlfriend, most of my life problems would disappear. As if that final missing cog to make my life perfect was a girlfriend, who cared and supported me. Boy, was I ever wrong, and naive! However, I can’t help to notice several other of my friends feel this way, mainly men who have hit a dry spell. We often think, “the minute we meet someone great, everything will be okay.” Reality check, it won’t.

Girlfriends don’t solve life’s problems. Take some of my recent infrequent blog posts as an example of this. Life continues, work continues, needing to pay bills continues, and what ever position you were in before the girlfriend, you’re going to be there with her as well.

To be honest, life has been stressful on the SCG side of things. If anything, Rule Breaker has been helpful in alleviating this stress by either listening or being a shoulder that I could relax onto. While she doesn’t solve my life’s problems (such as never needing to pay bills again), she does help numb some of the pain in handling them. Life isn’t perfect just because I have her in my life, it is, however, better.

While single, I often found myself self medicating my problems with the need for a relationship. “Life would be perfect if I had a girlfriend,” is one of the phrases I would often tell myself. I know I wasn’t the other one, friends, family, and others I’ve met often repeat this phrase. However the same problems you had before a relationship, will follow you into a relationship. If bill collectors are nagging you, they won’t stop just because you have a girlfriend, neither would evil bosses, horrible co-workers, or the other difficulties life has to present.

If you’re single, you don’t need a girlfriend to solve all of your problems. She becomes a part of the equation that helps build a better life. The only problem a she’ll solve is that you don’t have a girlfriend.

Photo by: mattbuck4950

Handling rejection is the most difficult aspect to dating. One of the reasons men and women hesitate from approaching is their own fear being rejected. Approaching a woman lays on the shoulder of us men, and having a woman tell us “no’ is a huge reason why we suffer from approach anxiety. It’s also the reason we act awkward when approaching a woman, we don’t know what to do.

Approaching a woman is simple if you keep two things in mind: first, act as a normal human being and second, don’t be scared of being told no.

The corny pickup lines rarely work. The practiced sets that PUA’s often talk about are more effective, but have a large chance of not working. While magic tricks, jokes, and fluff material dating books often recommend do help, they aren’t rejections silver bullet. My best successes are based on acting normally, as myself. We all respond best to a person who acts genuinely; approaching a woman is no different. It’s okay to be nervous or a bit timid, but making the attempt as yourself, rather than Don Juan will make you seem less silly, and more approachable.

Many of my friends would tell me, “what are you scared of?” Often, I would answer with my fear of being told no. No is a powerful word in the English vernacular; it’s commanding, forceful, and poignant. However, it’s just a word. At the end of the day, the word means nothing. Being told no, often doesn’t break bones, harm anyone, or cause physical damage. The word only damages our emotions and mental state. The fear of the word “no” is often outweigh the successes of a “yes” although it shouldn’t. The results of a “yes” far outweighs a “no.” I’ve often stopped myself from approaching a woman, for the fear she may say “no” forgetting the fact that she may say, “yes!” When laid out in that manner, being scared of “no” sounds, and is silly. Get over the fear!

Everyone is guaranteed to get rejected at some point in their life. Life doesn’t provide a group of “yes” people. When rejection happens, life continues, and we become strengthened by the lessons or the results of the rejection. Often, rejection tends to open doors elsewhere we’ve never sought.

I’m often infuriated by the lack of respect men have for women at clubs. Call me old fashioned, but I always thing you should ask for permission before you start to grind against a woman. Let’s be honest, permission is hard to get, especially in a packed club with loud music and alcohol. You may come off as intimidated, shy, and as some men would say a “female dog.” There are some women who don’t mind if you anonymously grind against them, but not every woman enjoys this act. There are ways you can get a woman’s attention and permission to grind pelvis’ against each other, without feeling you’re loosing your masculinity.

Begin with not introducing yourself with your pelvis. Regardless of what she’s wearing (or not wearing), walking up to a woman, hips first, isn’t an appropriate introduction. Normally if you introduce yourself, and she thinks you’re cute, she will allow some grinding. You shouldn’t jump on her right away, work your way in. Touch her on the arm or hip, move yourself closer, and with each movement see how comfortable she is. Continue to proceed until hips touch, and well, you know the rest.

If at any time, she pushes back, or moves away, she may not be interested. This doesn’t mean you should follow. You don’t want to be the creepy guy she talks about to her friends (and trust me she will talk about you to her friends). Let her go, and move on. She may return, she may not.

While emotions, hormones and alcohol are high, you should maintain some respect for her while you’re on the dance floor.

Photo By: icanteachyouhowtodoi t

We guys are often vexed by the female orgasm. It seems hard to find it, or to know if she’s having one. In reality, the female orgasm isn’t the moving target as we all believe it to be. It’s quite easy make a woman shiver while under the sheets than we’re led on to believe; we just have to stop thinking like men. Making us go crazy is quite easy, stroke us enough and we’ll shiver, shake and collapse in a pleasure coma. For women it’s a bit different, first you need to find her pleasure hot-zones, and second you need to integrate them while having sex.

Finding what makes your woman twinge seems like a difficult process. It’s not, it merely requires foreplay. Use foreplay to find out what really turns her on, what she likes, doesn’t like, and most importantly, what makes her feel comfortable. There are some basics (such as kissing her neck, fondling her breasts, etc), Once you find out what she enjoys the most, experiment, run your fingers slowly down her spine or over her legs, grab her butt. She’ll appreciate your attempts in finding out what makes her tick and what makes her excited!

Once you determine what turns her on, integrate them while having sex. If she enjoys having her mammaries touched, touch them; if she likes being spanked, spank her. They are valuable addictions to the general monotony of sex. Be sure to rotate, don’t do any one thing frequently or for too long or else it will become repetative and stale. If you’re not having fun, she’s not having fun and the entire exercise is pointless.

Remember, not every woman is the same. Things that may have worked for one woman, man not work for the other. Be sure to find out what she likes, and ask her afterwards what she thought and what she really enjoyed.

Photo By: Mr Java

When @singlecityguy asked what advice I’d give to men about women, my first thought was, “Don’t listen to advice!” Okay, okay, that may be a bit much. Nevertheless, I am very skeptical of any person who doles out advice, claiming to be a dating “expert.”

What makes one a dating expert anyway? To my knowledge, no university offers a degree in dating (although in my college experience you’d think I could’ve earned one). So what is it, someone who’s currently in a successful relationship? Someone who dates a lot? Someone who writes a blog about dating? I don’t buy any of it.

The reason dating experts are full of poo (in my humble opinion) is because people who date are human, and like snowflakes and Cabbage Patch Kids, no two are alike. The line that worked on Jen might not work on Laura. The strategy that bagged Tara might repel Emily. And maybe Brian can pull off a move that would make Derek look like a big fat douche.

There are plenty of men and women alike who will tell you “women like jerks” or “chicks dig sensitive guys” or even “all girls really want are money and a big dick.” Phooey! Don’t listen to this garbage. The truth is, some women like jerks, some chicks dig sensitive guys and some girls really want money and a big dick. And some women dislike all of these traits and want something else.  I’m going to make a bold statement that the experts don’t want you to know. Common courtesy and common sense aside (brush your teeth, don’t fart on the first date, etc.), repeat after me…

Not All Women Want the Same Thing. They Are All Different.

I understand why men turn to these self-proclaimed experts for advice. Approaching women is hard. Dating is hard. Understanding women is hard. I get it. It’s human nature to try and make sense of things, and reading a book that claims to have the answer can provide an illusion of mastery or a plan of action. This in turn gives you confidence when going into battle, a feeling that you know what you’re doing. The problem is, when the plan flops, you feel like even more of a loser. You did everything the book said, so why didn’t it work?

I’ve got news for you: dating experts want your money (or if they are bloggers, your readership). They know they’ve got a vast audience of hapless dudes who will give them good money in hopes of finding some possible solution to their never-ending frustrations with women. So they give you “solutions.” These may or may not work, but it doesn’t matter, because PayPal’s already processed the transaction. Just like diet books, there are a million out there. Few actually work, but there will always be a market of fat people trying to lose weight. And there will always be a market of confused men trying to score. Don’t be their next victim.

To be fair, I am sure there are “experts” who really think they are doing a service to men everywhere. But I find this thinking somewhat narcissistic, to claim to have all the answers for people whom they’ve never even met. They may have opinions, but please, take it with a grain of salt. There is a good chance they won’t be right.

So I apologize if you’ve read through this article hoping to discover the secret to picking up chicks. There isn’t one. You have to figure out who you are and be that person, with all the confidence in the world. And come to terms with the fact that not everyone is going to like you. Someone will, you just have to find her. Make it fun.

I shall leave you with one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite dudes:

“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your common sense.”

-Buddha

Happy dating!

Love,

singlegirlie

http://singlegirlblogging.wordpress.com