Dating

Pick-Up Artists, You’ve Only Made Things Harder

Since introduced to The Game, I’ve followed the world of the pick-up artist (PUA), even hanging out with them for a short time. As I’ve expressed many times in the past, I have a frustration with the entire PUA world and culture, mainly because it places an emphasis in the wrong places. Not to my surprise, members of the pick-up artist community don’t like me or my style (more on that in a future post). Pick-up artists have some value in the dating scene, not everything they discuss or do is pure garbage; some of what they teach, and do makes a lot of sense and is effective. I believe their current value to dating, and the dating world has passed. Pick-up artists have replaced jocks, muscle heads, and the overconfident womanizer, as the bottom rung of male. Unlike these other guys, Pick-Up Artists have only make dating harder, even for themselves.

The PUA community may raise their arms in anger, and disgust to this notion. They may claim they’ve given tools to men to make their dating lives easier, which in some cases is true. The truth is, the goal of the Pick-Up Artist community have turned from genuinely trying to help men get past the defenses of women to purely sleep with as many attractive women as possible. That community and lifestyle has garnered a lot of attention, and has entered the female continuousness. This means they aren’t easily impressed by someone who uses a line that’s been used by many PUA’s, or suckered in by one of their many “magic” tricks. I don’t have a problem with this side-effect. I believe every woman should read The Game, so they are aware of the silly things some men will try to do, just to lay them. A real man shouldn’t have to use these sorts of games and tricks to get and maintain a woman’s attention.

My issue lies further beneath the surface, and usually begins when woman has dated, or fooled around with a pick-up artist. While you pick up some tricks as a dating blogger, I’m nowhere near the status of their sort of foolery. The things I’ve learned, from friends, professionals, and dating material, is how to be the best version of myself, and how to convey that to the world at large. When I take these lessons, and apply them at the bar, I’ve had a certain resistance from women I’ve not expected, and one woman hit the nail on the head this past weekend.

“One of the guys I deal with is a pick-up artist, so I’m very weary of guys like you… like where did all of that suave come from?” She explained to me. As she spoke those words, things became crystal clear. There have been enough women, who have dated pick-up artists, that anything that seems like one adds an extra guard. My natural charm, presentation, and presence, can come off as if I’m a “one of those guys”, just skimming for chicks. If anything, I have to spend more time trying to explain why I’m not one, without tripping over her bullshit meter.

With the woman above, I ended up with her number, but after a few texts haven’t received any response. Why? I’m sure she thinks that I’m some sort of guy trying to run game on her. Multiply this by the amount of women, PUA’s have met and dated, multiply that by the friends these women have told about PUA’s, and you begin to see the problem. Every woman is on her guard about being played by some guy, especially if he’s someone who does this for a living. What was supposedly a tool that helped men, has now become a hinderance and has made approaching women more difficult.

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17 Responses

  1. Link

    Anna said on October 22nd, 2011 - 5:59 pm

    That’s true, but hasn’t that… always been true? Single women cautious about confident men who seem too good to be true?

    I will say though that you’re right, I’m privy to certain PUA tricks at this point and can spot them immediately (especially if the date foolishly references The Game at some point in the evening – which did happen). On the first date, he decided to ramp up his whatever, and he weirdly put his hands on my knees in the middle of conversation. Like all of a sudden, after that little move, I was going to think: “Let’s get physical!” C’mon dude.

    I don’t run away from guys like that because I think they’re womanizers or predators. I’m just allergic to lame people.

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    Stanley said on October 29th, 2011 - 4:06 am

    HOW?
    Just because the PUAs create more competition for men like you does not mean dating is harder for everyone. Their (the PUA) objective is to make things easier them and for people who follow them.
    Your last paragraph!?!
    If you have to explain why you’re not a PUA, it’s your failure. Not the PUAs nor the system’s failure. OWN IT AND GET SMARTER!

  3. Link

    Dave said on October 30th, 2011 - 6:50 am

    The proper response if a girl says “I’m skeptical of you because of blah blah blah” is “okay, later”. That all types of men reward bad behavior in women is the problem.

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      Anthony Feeney said on May 6th, 2012 - 8:18 am

      “rewarding bad behavior in women” Really? Can I ask just what in the hell is wrong with you? You aren’t their parent, and furthermore, THERE IS NOTHING “WRONG” WITH SAID BEHAVIOR. They have every right to say “no.” They have every right to be suspicious or picky. Look, if you can’t handle real women, ace, then buy a flesh light and watch some porn. You wouldn’t need to be an “alpha male” if you had any clue how to be a real man.

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    Sarah M said on October 30th, 2011 - 10:41 am

    They need to come out with a book for female PUA. Before you scream “women can get laid any time” I’m talking about making a guy fall in love with you, not just sleep with you. I mean get inside his head and make him crazy for you. I dunno, is there anything like that out there?

  5. Link

    Donlak said on November 3rd, 2011 - 4:17 pm

    Sarah, as a woman why would you want that? You would then cease to be attracted to said man.

    I was linked to this blog, but I’m not a PUA. That is a small part of game overall – which gives men the understanding of women’s psychology. If you don’t want to use routines, just understanding what a girl is attracted to Vs unattracted, you have risen above dating being all that mysterious a difficult.

    or society has marginalized our gender roles so much the common man doesn’t understand what women really want in a man.

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    Ahmed said on November 6th, 2011 - 1:29 pm

    Approaching woman requires a lot of guts! I was a super shy person before watching some cool & stylish dating advices from YouTube about how to approach woman, how to make things easier. You can also try to make your life easier. Don’t you?

  7. Link

    PermanentGuest said on November 7th, 2011 - 1:11 am

    PUA’s make things easy for me. I stand out as a genuinely attractive person. Intuitive people can tell the difference between the two.

  8. Link

    Trouble said on November 8th, 2011 - 8:55 pm

    Really good post. I agree. I’ve always been somewhat guarded about meeting guys in bars, and now I’m even more guarded and cynical of the intentions of men.

  9. Link

    Trouble said on November 8th, 2011 - 8:55 pm

    Really good post. I agree. I’ve always been somewhat guarded about meeting guys in bars, and now I’m even more guarded and cynical of the intentions of men.

  10. Link

    JT said on December 17th, 2011 - 10:27 pm

    Why so serious??

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    shay said on December 19th, 2011 - 12:49 pm

    I almost posted this on that PuA forum but if the advice that men give essentially isnt their to keep a good woman around, then helping me isnt possible.
    So, essentially I’ve been dating a man for the last few months, while we have been seeing each other since, well this summer…
     He mentioned he “helped men” on this site, and just as any woman would be curious, I wanted to know what type of things would a PUA post about, actually I didn’t fully understand what it meant, the tittle doesn’t sound like anything promising for a family oriented goal focused woman! (which now, after reading the things he has posted it looks like its all about men who manipulate woman, and play mind games as they find catch and try and  keep one, or fuck with there emotions just to get sex, do you boys not realize how much damage this does to woman, especially for a woman like myself, as I do have a fantastic, but still young, daughter.) so what happens when your woman finds out your all playing head games, not trying to judge whoever reads this because I have seen the odd man who actually seems to understand the good type of woman, which most of the guys on here playing these games won’t ever attract this! I mean what kind of good woman wants to stick around when your all playing “the game”? What happened to the old days when a man and woman met, fall in love and build and kept the relationship intimate & personal! Is there a such thing as you and me against the world to you men? Or commitment, does that matter, or exist to you? Can i even call what i am seeing in most of these posts, a man? 
    I am the one man only, old fashioned committed type.  I am the honest, straight forward career and goal focused type. I am not the type to sleep around, but let’s face it, none of you guys value a woman’s worth & her inner beauty, do you? (sorry to the odd man that does, the direction of this is primarily how my boyfriend has made me feel) I am the woman that’s building big dreams, and as any real woman, I want a good hearted man (as the general outline only of course) to build dreams with! I thought this guy I have been with was it. As he has said … we don’t have any normal relationship. We hit it of right away, things felt right with us, there has been challenges so far, but this should of made us a better couple, stronger, unbreakable, I shouldn’t be finding out it was all just another selfish boy playing another selfish game (I am a very appreciative giving woman, these are even words the boyfriend expressed) Lately, I have had the mind set that I want to do life with this man by my side perminitly!  He did express the same and now i am left to wonder, was any of our relationship up to this point the truth? He told me all the right things, he even did it all right to my face, this makes me think of that country song, who are you when I’m not looking by Blake Shelton. So until I read these posts which are essentially talking about other woman (when i believe your past belongs in your past!) using good looking friends to try and catch the eye of girls but make sure they know that he could have any woman he wanted(and yet he couldn’t manage to keep me, doesn’t that say something) I found out petty lies he has told me on here, ex: I haven’t slept with that many people and now I’m reading how he has slept with all his female friends etc. Having personal relationship convos with all his woman as he puts it when he swears he tells me everything … 
    So after being cheated on by a man who would of been my high-school sweetheart, keeping in mind we actually did have a close to perfect relationship, I’m mind blown that he cheated, (also keeping in mind there is a a massive amount of personal issues he had not dealt with when we got back together as adults) Through that and an abusive fiancé I did move on and my current boyfriend new how unsure I was of everything I was, I was always so focused on my relationships prior, it was only this year I focused on me and took time to learn and grow as an individual. I am a strong and very independent woman! I am fine on my own. I don’t necessarily need or care if i had a man in my life. As much as I would love to do life with a good hearted man by my side. I am more then happy doing life with my daughter, my two cats and of course my girlfriends.  Though he changed my mind, over time he convinced me that our fling should be more! I didn’t mean to, but I did make this a challenge  because i was a closed book. 
    And of course through him i am being told what every woman wants to hear, I am beautiful, smart, sexy, sweet, compassionate, loving, and in general he has said I’m the perfect match for him. Though tonight I find out all these posts which are the type of men I stay away from. This isn’t his past I’m hung up on, it’s now, it’s through out him meeting a woman he says changed his perspective of woman only for his advice on here to be jaded, in result making his woman feel like the man shes been with  is someone completely different on the internet. The end result, you can’t really love a fake man or the fake relationship he built with you. 
    Of course not only all that but as Ozzy, I think, according to my bf it was him, who said he agreed with this quote also, cheating is the moment another woman/man enters your mind because that means that in that moment the one your with is gone!  Now of course only to find out that a month into us being official, and 4 months total of us seeing each-other he is still posting about a girl he used to love and how he can’t stop thinking about her. It makes all the good stuff he said look like just words and his actions just another mind game. Trust me, i know how pathetic and young this relationship looks, but like I said, it felt, I thought, he was actually different. Though I believed what I wanted to believe and I really don’t want to believe what’s been written infront of my face. I’m not a man, i dont understand why you mess around with woman’s emotions, especially the good woman, which lets face it, just like the good men, we are few and far inbetween. I personally think, if you find a good man/woman, do the work, put the effort in to make it last and make sure they want to stay! I don’t really know where I am going with this, as a woman, i am emotional and i am feeling very betrayed! As of yesterday I thought we were going to make it and today, he is as much as a fake as my highschool sweetheart was.  As a woman, I value the emotional aspect the most, I expect full commitment and 100% in this area, just as I know that physical is so important to a man, and my man has my undivided attention and commitment in both areas. The relationship seems that it’s always just been one sided! How can a man play games or intentionally hurt the woman he loves? Or maybe the love was as fake as the person he wanted me to see. I feel I’ve been cheated from what could of been a great relationship. I know I’m avoiding all the details but I’m more focused on putting together my thoughts because I am not the disrespectful type and I am not a guy so I just can’t seem to get it! What are you trying to accomplish by  playing your games? I’ve seen so much posts from guys being hurt and played by woman, but I think those men need to take a step back and look at themselves, you attracted those woman to you somehow, just as I have managed to attract a couple of fake boyfriends.  I guess as my fiance said, i am so set in what i want and what i am scared of that he felt lying was his only option because he didnt want to loose me. But I dont tolerate lying, very few people would i think. I read this book recently called the secret! I read it for my career advice as I am a saleswoman!  I highly recommend it because the law of attraction works with relationships also! It’s all about, well, the secret to being happy!  My boyfriend has friends that encourage him to lie, I took a step back when I heard this. Knowing that as a person, we all get to have choices, we all attract a certain group of friends, or woman, in my case, men! 
    I was closed off to men until a few
    weeks ago when I tried to accept what is, forget what was and let go, i took the time to enjoy falling in love and did my best to trust yet another man. I feel that I’m going over bored to walk away from such a wonderful thing when I felt as though a lot has changed in our relationship this month alone. But how do i know that our relationship changes and growths was real.  If a woman can’t trust her man, the man that i wanted to boost, love, look up to, value, respect etc, if she cant trust him with her most prized possession, her heart, then what is left? 

  12. Link

    Kim said on January 3rd, 2012 - 7:06 pm

    Yes, I’m a female and had read the book, I get to know it from my guys friend, but they already a pro-womanizer, somehow it will set you back when you try to use the tricks from the book as then discuss(when you have no problem with your pick-up skill), I had to say it’s a good book, well written and funny but I think what most important is I know how to spot a PUA. I think guys at some point just got to be genuine with their approach, as we “women” will sense it…what you guys up too anyway….

  13. Link

    Qais said on February 2nd, 2012 - 12:02 pm

    if people want to be happy they must get rid of feminism and fight it.

  14. Link

    very true said on February 19th, 2012 - 8:24 pm

    meeting women is very difficult for me. i am a straight man in my late fifties, and the women have definitely changed over the years. many of them have become very nasty, and have a very bad attitude today. it is hard to start a conversation with them because many of them do not want to be bothered. it is obvious, that many women today are lesbians. this certainly makes it that much harder to meet a good woman today. i cannot blame myself, since i seem to meet the nastiest women today. but then again, i see this happening to other men as well.

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    roger said on March 3rd, 2012 - 7:02 am

    There are certain things that sound like pure bullshit on the PUA world and community. On the other hand there is some content that is valuable and useful.

    I have to say that I read a 2 books about the PUA world and one of them is the The Game by Neil Strauss, which is entertaining more than it is useful. I even met people in the community whom I discuss such matters with.
    These things changed my life and made me more confident and secure when it comes to women and dating. Regardless, there is stuff that I find insulting in the PUA ideology and thinking.

    I would not want to go out and sleep with 100s of women and abuse them.. When I started in this game, all I wanted was to be good with dealing with and understanding women as I was socially insecure and had a difficulty communicating with people..

    To some extent it helped me and I became more confident and forward looking to meet and approach women.. Still, I would not want women to know I was going through PUA content as some of the stuff mentioned there does not make sense and is quite condescending.

  16. Link

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