Where Are The Hurricane Girlfriends?

If you’ve watched any news outlet , you may have heard there’s a bit of tepid weather  landing on the East Coast. Lucky for the single guys, this weather system is female, thus there’s a 90% chance of it raining women (okay it’s not likely at all).

Hurricane Irene, promises to be a historic event, as President Obama notes, and should be taken seriously. My assumption is, he means historic in the sense of massive devastation, and less in the sense of “yes we can!” Living in New York City, where hurricanes don’t often land, there’s a lot of preparedness for the upcoming storm, including safety checklists, evacuation centers, possible power outages, and preparedness guides and tips tips to finding your hurricane boyfriend. Wait, what?!

Yes, in the time of impending severe, and damaging weather, there are tips on how to find your hurricane snuggle partner. Still unsure what a Hurricane Boyfriend is, columnist Angela Manfredi breaks it down nicely:

“A Hurricane Boyfriend. A guy who’ll ride out the storm with me and my cats, wrap his well-defined biceps around me when I’m frightened, be thoroughly impressed with my ability to turn canned salmon, dry cereal, and peanut butter into a yummy (albeit thirst – inducing) casserole, and be touched by my willingness to throw my body over his to protect him from flying foliage. I will be a pillar of strength and a beacon of bravery tempered by a dash of damsel- in- distress. This is my chance to demonstrate that ‘ “I’m the one you want on your arm in a crisis” ‘, taking us from 0 to 60 on the relationship speedometer in just 48 hours, whereas in regular weather conditions, it could take months to get to that point.”

Sounds sensible and rationale, right?

If we’re going to turn on the irrational channel, why does it have to feature nothing but women programming? “How to find a Hurricane Boyfriend”, “When Hurricanes Drop Boyfriends”, “Hurricane Boyfriend 8: The Snuggling”. Men can be just as irrational, and who’s not to say that we don’t want a hurricane relationship related programming? Every guy would love to watch: “The Hurricanator”, “Deadly Irene: The Weather Pattern”, and “When Hurricanes With Women Names Attack!” Just make sure there’s enough explosions, women in bikini’s, and horrible action love interest to maintain our attention. Otherwise, we’ll default to sports programming, we’ll even watch figure skating if we have to.

I digress, this post is about the most important matter to all single men during a hurricane, finding your Hurricane Girlfriend! Hey, if everyone is going to be irrational about preparing for this hurricane, I might as well join the club. Finding your Hurricane Girlfriend is easy, she’s not at your regular “where to find a woman before an important event” spots (i.e. Bed, Bath & Beyond, Victoria’s Secret, or Zales). She’s most likely at Home Depot, in the power drill section, waiting for you to walk up to her and say “I can drill some wood for you!” Incase you’re wondering, that phrase alone, in that situation, is worth a triple entendre dating points. If too many other man have saturated the two Home Depots in NYC (and the one in Jersey), you may need to find some alternative locations. The best places are Ikea (don’t ask), or Costco.

What if you’re out of luck and can’t find your Hurricane Girlfriend anywhere? Well, there’s always Craigslist!

(Seriously: everyone be safe, be ready, and don’t be irrational during this hurricane!)

Photo Source: Flickr

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