Dating

When Poor Timing and Work Interrupts

 

A man looking at his laptop screen dumbfounded

At a recent speed dating event, I met an attractive, successful woman who I got along with quite well. She was a sports fan, looking for a long-term relationship, who had an eye for adventure. In many ways, we seemed like a great match. We had the same communication preferences, liked the same things, and in many ways were on similar, if not the same level. The differences we had were minimal, and easily to navigate. So why am I still single?

Success in dating often hinges on a key, but hidden cause, good timing. In this case between myself and this woman (dubbed Basketball Girl), my poor timing dashed any romantic hopes. It’s placed me in an awkward zone that I’ve yet to recover.

Basketball Girl was my first, recent introduction into dating someone who’s passed the 30 year-old benchmark. There’s a sense of reality, seriousness, and maturity that existed, that hadn’t with some of the previous women I’ve dated. She earned the name Basketball Girl, because many of our conversations revolved around the sport, but we actually connected through music. While we met at a speed dating event, our introduction centered around my willingness to take a risk and approach her during the mingling part of the event. We quickly dipped into music, and conversation. Before the end of the evening, I was sure to get her number.

A few nights later, we’re having drinks near Harlem, having good conversation, and joking around at a very unique bar. All signs are positive, and things were going well. After the date, we kept communicating. We passed jokes back and forth from one another and developed a flow of communiqué. It was comfortable, there wasn’t any waiting by the phone for her to respond, or any anxiousness that she wasn’t going to respond. Things were relaxed.

At one point, I hadn’t heard from her for a few days, only to find out that work had grabbed her complete and undivided attention. It’s something I understood and respected. Work tends to rear its ugly head, and cause interruptions, especially in my life. I wasn’t aware if was about to also interrupt my life. I was finishing an important project that left me breathless, and worn out at the end of the work day. Many times I was working 12 hour days. This went on for two weeks. During this period, we had both entered the fade, where both people go silent.

When I think back on Basketball Girl, I wonder if I could have overcome the barrier that the fade presented. In all reality I should have restarted some form of communication. What stopped me was a thought, that she would have never responded and would have forgotten all about me. It’s a silly thought. At the time, I should have taken the risk of seeming silly, and restarted what work had interrupted. While there are those (including myself) who’ve suggested, if she still had an interest she would have contacted me, I’ve also learned that women aren’t programmed to think that way. I’m sure when I stopped communicating, she thought I wasn’t interested into her at all, and had moved on.

I often think, that because of poor timing, I missed out on a great opportunity. Had I met her a month later or earlier, I’m sure we would have been in a successful, enjoyable relationship. However, because of our poor timing, schedule conflicts, and work, my chance with a pretty good catch, is merely a story of what could have been.

Photo Credit: Ed Yourdon

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4 Responses

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    James Bond said on June 14th, 2011 - 4:03 pm

    And what is stopping you from contacting her now? Nothing! Take the risk.

  2. Link

    JenDay said on June 14th, 2011 - 7:54 pm

    You know, what I agree with “James Bond!” This happened to me with a guy- and a YEAR went by before I saw him again… but when I did, I was really excited to see him. We had a great re-connection and went out a few times after that. Unfortunately, it happened again… but we at least stayed friends. You have NOTHING to lose- and quite a bit to gain. :)

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    MsChick74 said on June 14th, 2011 - 10:18 pm

    Do it! What have you got to lose? I highly doubt she’s forgotten you. If she has, then she wasn’t really interested in you to begin with…

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