Dating

Why Men Watch Porn, Even While In A Relationship

Popular porn star Sasha Grey

There’s very little a woman can do to replace our love and engagement with porn. Men will always find a way to watch porn regardless of their relationship status. For men, pornography has nothing to do with the success or failure of the relationship we’re in, it’s an outlet. It serves our imagination, fantasies, and in several cases, serves as a learning and teaching tool. In some ways, porn is also a comfort zone and confidence boost. I’ve never felt bad about myself after watching porn; however there’s been several times after sex I’ve felt worse about myself and my status as a man.

Women, be honest, for a majority of you the idea of engaging in a threesome with your hot friend that you’ve known for years, isn’t a conversation starter. The idea that we may even bring up that conversation, becomes an argument and we’re seen as horny dogs. However, in the fantasy land of porn, that situations happens 20 times a day, right after someone comments on how nice the other’s shoes are. There are sexual fantasies that most women don’t subscribe to, and most women wouldn’t try, but are common place in x-rated films.

Pornography also serves as an outlet. It’s a way for guys to get a release without any guilt. No one ever tells us that we’re doing something wrong, there’s never that awkward moments when you’re trying out a new position. The sex happens, she’s happy and enjoying every moment, and everything seems right in the world. In some ways, watching porn puts us in charge, while we can’t control what the performers are doing, we can choose the type of movie based on our preferences in kinks. We control what we’re seeing, although we may not be participating.

Watching porn is rarely a comment about a woman’s sexual prowess. It’s rarely about our satisfaction in the bedroom. It’s more about us, than it is ever about you.

Photo Credit: robotgoboom

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    Anonymous said on November 20th, 2010 - 5:12 pm

    I’m not here to disagree with your thesis around watching porn even while in a relationship, but I will disagree with you assertion that guys don’t ever feel bad after watching porn. I had a close guy friend who shared with me his struggles around porn (he felt much worse after “using” porn than he ever did after having sex), and his participation in SAA with so many men who struggled even worse than him with porn.

    I’m not here to say porn is all bad, but just as can happen with alcohol, drugs, and food, porn can become an addiction for some, where the fantasy becomes more important than real life.

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      Single City Guy said on November 21st, 2010 - 12:56 am

      Okay, so there are extremes, and a person can’t ever account to them. However, you’re bringing up an extreme in an extreme situation. For instance, someone who’s addicted to something will generally do it because they want to feel better, that addiction makes them feel better at that time. Afterwards there’s issues. Someone who’s addicted to sex or porn is an extreme and not the average.

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        Enlightenment said on March 15th, 2012 - 3:08 am

        I think the mistake that some people are making is equating love with sex.  It is assumed that thinking of sex with another woman is loving that woman.  This isn’t true.  It’s really quite simple:  We have tension, we masturbate to porn, we reduce tension.  It’s nice to be able to reduce tension with your partner but women don’t necessarily want to have sex as often as men.  We generally have more sexual tension to reduce than women.   The fact of the matter is, we need an alternative outlet if our partner is not available or willing at any given time.  If we’re using another image to reduce tension, it doesn’t mean we love that image.  Just like we aren’t in love with a hamburger when it reduces our hunger tension (or so I would hope!).  Sex is a base biological need, not a complex, philosophical, and meaningful entity like love. The reason we happen to have sex with our partners is to mutually benefit by relieving each other’s tension.  It’s a fine deal of reciprocation, nothing wrong with that right?  But oh dear, the male has tension more often than the female.  So she needs him less than he needs her.  This is why women leech off our wallets, to even the deal up in exchange for reducing the extra amount of tension of the male.  You can say this is cynical and deny it if you will but the logic is really solid when you think about it.  Women manipulate men with sex.  But this overall situation of dependence on one another for satisfying needs (on both ends, man and woman alike) is not love.

         So where does love come in to all of this?  I think that if you love another person, you will allow them to take care of their own basic needs so long as it does not intrude upon your basic needs  Porn would be bad if: The female partner wants sex and the male refuses her and gets off to porn instead (or vice versa if applicable).  In that case it is screwed up I agree.  But if the female won’t have sex, then porn is a fair option for the male to take care of the tension.  It has nothing to do with loving the partner or not.  When I think of love, I think of living with a person, traveling with them, intellectualizing with them, spending leisure time with them, appreciating their personality, having an emotional and mental connection with them, caring about them, and helping them when in need.  What the hell does sex even mean!  I encourage everyone to ask this question!  It’s only an evolutionary drive that ensures the survival of our species.  We are impelled to reduce that drive for innate, evolutionary reasons so we behave accordingly to reduce it.  In fact masturbation is simply us tricking our base mind into believing we are reproducing.  That has nothing to do with loving and caring about another person!  I’m aware this is ridiculously long but I really just want to get this view out to more people.   Disagree if you want, send a rebuttal to me if you want (so long as it’s respectful), but please at least consider what i’m saying.  

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    Miss City Girl said on November 24th, 2010 - 5:44 am

    Food for thought. Maybe I’m a bit odd but in past relationships, I’ve watched porn with my man. I completely agree with you on what you have said above. Porn has nothing to do with me but why the heck can’t I enjoy his collection too? I found that watching porn together got us both on the same level and made the sex electric.

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    gnorimies said on December 2nd, 2010 - 8:38 am

    Watching porn is rarely a comment about a woman’s sexual prowess. It’s rarely about our satisfaction in the bedroom. I agree totally

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    Jenna said on March 6th, 2011 - 5:01 pm

    Ok, this is BULLSHIT! yes all guys are attracted to porn but there is not a NEED for it. if you HAVE to have pron you do not love whoever you are with.for the female in the relationship if the guy watches pron it is the most degrading thing a guy can to next to cheating. that is all i have to say about that for now i will post more of my thoughts later

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    xxxx said on December 2nd, 2011 - 4:51 pm

    I agree its degrading an i think it destroys the womans confidance i think if the man finds his woman atractive he would not watch porn its like saying he wants the woman hes watching on the screen cos she turns him on more nice !! well go get with a fuckin porn star if thats wat ur into an let ur girlfriend get witch some one who will apriciate how lucky they r to have her an not feel the need to fantasies about other woman

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    vixenfox said on January 21st, 2012 - 1:10 pm

    i am 5nhalf months pregnant and the fact that my boyfriend watches porn hurts me because i fill he doesnt see me as attactive anymore and when i ask him about it he blows me off. i hate that he watches porn now wen he never did wen i was not pregnant and to make things worse wen i tease about him cheating he has this smile that says only if u knew. so porn inn a relationship is a destroyer

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    notyouraveragefemale said on April 16th, 2013 - 3:24 pm

    Let me make myself completely clear.. guys should NEVER use porn as a “teaching tool” for sex with a real woman. With its very little mutual reciprocation porn has made it acceptable for men to be selfish in the bedroom. My point being: all for you & none for me. Im sorry boys but if you are pulling out moves from last nights porno you are not satisfying your woman and therefore will remain just that.. a boy. A real man knows how to satisfy a woman as much as he appreciates being satisfied himself.

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    notyouraveragefemale said on April 16th, 2013 - 3:24 pm

    Let me make myself completely clear.. guys should NEVER use porn as a “teaching tool” for sex with a real woman. With its very little mutual reciprocation porn has made it acceptable for men to be selfish in the bedroom. My point being: all for you & none for me. Im sorry boys but if you are pulling out moves from last nights porno you are not satisfying your woman and therefore will remain just that.. a boy. A real man knows how to satisfy a woman as much as he appreciates being satisfied himself.

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