Question for Women

What Do Women Look at First When They Receive a Message on A Dating Website?

Published On: January 7th, 2010 by Single City Guy | Comments/Trackbacks: Comments, or trackback allowed.

I’m finding myself in a bit of a quandary. I believe women are receiving great messages from one on OkCupid, but aren’t responding to them. Messages by my dating coach and myself seem to have the same results. They do seem to be visiting my profile. While the message seems good enough to gardner some attention, they aren’t good enough for a response. I’m trying to figure out what the problem is here.

My thought is women may be looking at my profile first before the message, or reading the message than the profile to see if it’s worth responding to. So the question I have for women is this: when you received a message do you read the message first or view the profile first?

Women, feel free to answer the poll below or leave comments below.

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  • Theresa AKA SleeplessInSimi

    I always read the message first, providing the message does not look like a copy and paste deal and that it feels personal (like it was written to ME) I will then look at the profile. I try to respond to all, even if it is just to say thanks, but I do not feel we are a match.

  • http://datingtaketwo.blogspot.com/ maruskamorena

    1st and foremost, I look at the picture. Secondly, I look at the title of the message. Third, I go read their profile. Then I go and actually read the message.

    If anywhere along the way, I say “NO, I’m not interested”… I’ll skip the rest of the steps. I’m usually a curious sort, so I’ll generally then read the note, but I’ll just hit delete unless the message grabs me then I might reply “not interested”.

  • girltrueheart

    I always respond though, even if to say “Sorry, not interested.”

  • http://datingtaketwo.blogspot.com/ maruskamorena

    GTH – I generally just dont’ bother replying to most. I get a lot of messages that merely just say “HI” thats it. If its an actual letter, then yeah I’ll respond with a “Thanks but I’m not interested sorry.”

  • http://www.kcdatedoctor.blogspot.com KCDateDoctor

    Don’t be discouraged by the lack of responses. You may have a great profile and be sending decent messages. If your message has no red flags, she will probably look at your profile. And if your profile is good, have a little faith. Just keep sending the emails, you brave soul!!! Remember that women tend to be inundated with messages compared to men, and it can be tiring to respond to all of them.

  • voyeur36

    I’m on Match and same as you, have sent loads of emails. All we can do is keep going.

  • http://diaryofadisillusioneddater.blogspot.com/ Marc

    That’s just the way it is for guys on dating sites. Women simply have too many options and can afford to be super picky. If you’re getting at least a 5% response rate, consider yourself lucky. Good luck.

    • Single City Guy

      Even with all of the percentages of the responses, it’s nice to know what helps improve my odds. The actual message or the profile.

  • http://www.kcdatedoctor.blogspot.com KCDateDoctor

    If the message is weak or too short, I think she’ll often give you the benefit of the doubt if you actually have a great profile. But I don’t think it works the other way around.

  • http://cleanslate2010.wordpress.com/ Teri

    I think it is great when someone emails me something specific so that I know they actually read my profile. I can’t stand emails that sounds like a form letter with my name plugged in. I also (maybe because i’m a school teacher?) notice spelling. For some reason, spelling errors are a turn off for me. (Even though a great ex-boyfriend of mine was a horrible speller and it really doesn’t have THAT much to do with intelligence).

  • http://blog.bitterstiletto.com Yvie

    I’m currently on Match.com myself and I will say that I definitely read the profile and check out the accompanying pics BEFORE reading the message. I find that most messages are pretty much the same and I learn so much more about the person from reading the profile and viewing his pics than reading the message. I look for those key things that I like and dislike and I use those key things to decide whether or not I’ll respond.

    The thing is, women get plenty of messages from many different men, so we have to look beyond those four or five sentences sent in a message and really pay attention to the guy’s likes, dislikes, and wants through the profile.