The Reasons Men Text Instead of Call

The "Crack"Berry

One question women often ask is “why do men text instead of call?” Women tend to see this as a sign of laziness on the guy’s part. Men see texting as an easier and more efficient way to communicate. Often we do not understand the difference between texting and calling. We believe we can convey the same message thru text as well as voice. We don’t understand the emotional connection often made with a phone call. These aren’t the only reasons we text opposed to calling but none of these reasons have anything to do with how attracted we are to a woman.

  1. Fear of rejection – men text because we fear being rejected. If we call, and get a voicemail, a part of us feels somewhat rejected. Obviously, she could be busy, but she could also be ignoring our phone call. Text’s have a sense of immediacy, we’re very sure that she’s gotten and read the text message.
  2. Hard to ignore – It’s hard to ignore a text message, when you receive one, you’re more likely to act on it. It’s a lot easier to miss a phone call and let it go to voicemail. Voicemails can be forgotten and, many times, can be misunderstood. Texts are in plain black and white, or green, or blue…
  3. We’re Busy – some people lead very busy lifestyles. I know I do. It’s easier to shoot off a text message rather than having a 10 minute conversation when I only have 5. It feels rude having to cut someone off in the middle of a call. Sending a text message gets my point across and I can also respond to it even if I’m in a meeting.
  4. Why Talk on the Phone When I Can See You In Person – guys tend not to want to talk on the phone for long when we can meet you in person and talk. We prefer face to face interactions. When necessary we can cope with extended phone conversations, but if we can meet you a 30 minute phone call means a lot less.
  5. Not comfortable on the phone – this is more of a personal reason than anything else. I can be very uncomfortable on the phone, especially with someone I like. I can bullshit with my friends all day, but sometimes I get nervous and out of breath when I’m talking to a date on the phone. All of that awkwardness is thrown out of the window via text, it’s just words and a keypad. I rather that than having to awkwardly talk into a voicemail void.

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25 Responses

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    girltrueheart said on December 1st, 2009 - 10:18 pm

    I like the honesty of what you write. I also don’t like to talk on the phone much. However, emotions are in the tone of voice. Without them, unless we’re all professional writers, we leave the words open to interpretation and potential miscommunication. Text and email are great at times, but when we really want to be certain of conveying our emotions, we should use our voice. If we don’t risk rejection (emotions), we don’t risk intimacy.

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      Nikkihenson73 said on August 8th, 2012 - 3:30 pm

       I don’t like texting with my girlfriends either. I really do not enjoy having a conversation via text. It should not be forced on someone and is not the norm. My friends do not text me to see what I’m doing. I can only speak for my world.

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    GlamourGirl said on December 2nd, 2009 - 8:34 am

    I originally hated all the texting because it forced immediacy and it seemed less intimate, but now I realize in the dating world it is a must. The only drawback, when you do talk on the phone the first time and his voice sounds like the alien from American Dad, high pitched and feminine. Immediate turn off, and makes you wish you talked on the phone immediately.

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    jj said on January 22nd, 2010 - 12:07 pm

    I associate guys who text as their primary form of communication as players and liars. I have noticed that guys who are not daily texters have the attention plan for a relationship, while guys who text are more likely to be looking for the next new cute thing. The whole Tiger Woods thing just reinforced that perception. Even worse, when I tell a guy that I don’t text, and he keeps forcing texts on me. I assume the following: (1) he doesn’t listen (2) he doesn’t care (3) he is irritating and needs way too much attention.

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      Single City Guy said on January 22nd, 2010 - 7:15 pm

      @JJ I think you really need to disassociate that sort of connection. Plenty of men who text more than call aren’t liars or players! They may just be gadget geeks.

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    Richelle said on June 14th, 2010 - 5:29 pm

    Maybe you should include “he’s just not that into you”

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    Marie Aurap said on June 28th, 2010 - 12:44 am

    I fully agree with JJ. I have often told a guy I don’t text only to end up receiving various texts from him. I am anything but demanding and do not expect (or have time for) a call on a daily basis from a man I am just getting to know. However, once or twice a week seems reasonable. This gives people a chance to make plans and just see how things are going for the other person. When did we women begin to expect so little and think so poorly of ourselves that we accept whatever little crumbs of male attention that come our way?? We deserve better. A phone call is non-negotiable. It is a basic. A must. If he cannot MAN UP and pick up the phone, he is not a grown-up and, therefore, not worthy of your trust or time. Men pretend they want to be heroes. When we have the guts to say that a hero should learn how to pick up the phone and input the digits, then he is mortally wounded. If he wants to be thought of as a hero, he has to DO something to earn it.

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    Milagros Tegner said on February 15th, 2011 - 6:35 am

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    Christy Wells said on November 1st, 2011 - 8:56 pm

    Women are really drawn to a man by his voice. (Pheremones excluded) The voice can be a clincher. But I am 41 and don’t mind the texting. As long as I get a 5 minute call somewhere in the day just to hear his voice I’m good. I think women should focus on the obvious here….if he is texting you he is thinking about you and probably “into” you. As a chick I say stop being so analytical and appreciate his gestures. It is really hard to hide the written word especially once it hits cyberspace. Ask Tiger. So maybe the text should be viewed as the new version of a love note instead of a sinister form of communication. Ladies, ask yourself if it ticks you off when a girlfriend texts?

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      LuckyChick said on March 21st, 2012 - 11:55 pm

      Nope it doesn’t and here’s why….working in the business world I’ve learned a lot about communication and I’ve taken a LOT of courses on the subject – specifically this holds true; If you have to send more than 2 emails to communicate something or get your point across, it’s time to stop emailing (or IM’ing) and pick up the phone and talk about it. This is crucial as this is where communication breaks down. Now wouldn’t that hold true in your personal life too?  So, when a girlfriend and I are having a conversation via text and after 2 texts we’re having an extended conversation about something most of the time one of us will call.  

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    Bubbles said on January 15th, 2012 - 7:56 pm

    And women hate it.

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    Suzy Q said on January 26th, 2012 - 12:04 am

    Man, I hate guys who are too afraid to call. That ain’t hyperbole.

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    Bubbles12 said on March 2nd, 2012 - 3:16 am

    Yeh, yeh. Regardless. It’s breeding a generation of gutless communicators. No woman wants to be in a relationship with one.

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    Connectherdots said on March 21st, 2012 - 11:45 pm

    My 41 year old boyfriend (yes I said forty one) would rather have his teeth pulled I think then have a phone conversation sometimes.  And yes, I’ve checked, no girlfriends or wives for that matter on the side.  Nine times out of ten when I call he always answers.  I know he’s not hiding anything as I’ve already met the family and the extended family.  So, we’ve only been dating for 4 months but I did let him know that nothing replaces a phone conversation even a text and how much I appreciate his phone calls.  Sure you can pass on short simple messages via text, but when a guy relies on it for a mode of communication, sometimes it can be downright annoying!  He’s getting better at picking up the phone and calling (especially when we don’t see each other for several days and I’ve hinted it would be nice to “hear from you”) but still, there’s something to be said about dating these days.  I’m old fashioned and like to hear his voice.  Just sayin……

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    Lashall said on March 17th, 2014 - 5:12 am

    I am a woman. I actually like the answers to this question because it explains a lot about some guys and reveal some secrets about them when it comes to women. You can either be more understanding about it now or not be. It’s your choice. Men are different from women in the way they communicate and relate to the opposite sex. But honestly there are a lot of women out there who do the same thing to guys and family and friends who just love to text. So we don’t have to call these men gutless because then we will need to come up with a name for the women who do it too.

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    Helena said on January 6th, 2015 - 6:51 am

    Don’t trust a

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    Helena said on January 6th, 2015 - 6:52 am

    Don’t trust a

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    Jessica said on April 23rd, 2015 - 12:48 pm

    In response to #2 above: “…voicemails can be misunderstood.” Really? Texts: Talk about misunderstandings! It is FAR easier to misunderstand someone with words on a screen that it is hearing their voice inflexion and the meaning or emotion behind what they’re saying. This has happened to me numerous times with dating…misunderstandings in text. Then you send 3,4 texts *explaining* “Oh no, that’s not what I meant.” Often the guy has to do this. Waste of time. You’ve got your phone in your hand, call my damned number!
    Yes text is awesome -but- it should NOT take the PLACE of a live call, real time exchange, voice interaction. If a guy isn’t willing to call he doesn’t care much. Yes men and women are different, but men need to respect that women are attracted by what they HEAR not reading words on a screen. Pretty emotionless, pretty empty, pretty EASY street.
    Honestly, I think all the texting is indeed laziness and lack of committing to a person or situation. It is vague. It is stand-offish, it is “I don’t care a Hell of a lot” or as someone commented “He’s not that into you.” A little texting is fine, but all texts no voice is B.S. If he’s into her he WANTS to hear her VOICE and he wants to see her. Text is just not enough.


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